The Minders

by John Marrs

‘Your daughter has a type of synaesthesia called Ordinal Linguistic Personification,’ a psychiatrist had told her worried parents when she was nine.

PRIME MINISTER: You must all appreciate that if this crackpot scheme of yours backfires, it’s my name that will for ever be associated with bankrupting our economy. That is a legacy worse than taking us to war with no proof of weapons of mass destruction, the Brexit referendum or the response to Covid-19.

His memory flitted between homespun lies and international cover-ups, including the real perpetrators behind a summer Olympics bombing, the explosion of an unmanned Indian spacecraft on a mission to Mars and even a Eurovision Song Contest vote fix.

Greasy-spoon cafes serving meals dripping in highly saturated fats and massive calorific content were all he craved. But hefty taxes on unhealthy food establishments meant they were becoming few and far between.

‘It’s about our community and how we’re all made up of the people we surround ourselves with. None of us is an island, no matter how much water there is between us. Even you.’