A Nearly Normal Family

by M.T. Edvardsson

“When I was little, the adult world constantly told me I was a good girl.” Her face twisted as if she had tasted something nasty. I didn’t quite understand what she meant. “‘Good girl,’ they said, patting me on the head. ‘Ulrika’s such a good girl.’ In the end I had no choice but to become that good girl everyone was expecting.” I had never thought about it like that before.

"Good girl praise" can turn into a styffling and compulsive disorder that paralyszes girls into constant people pleasing. Meaning that expectations are so high that performance becomes more important than anything else. You can burn out catastrophically mentally, without ever recognising that you have taken on to much. The road to recovery is very long and takes years.

“How far would you go to protect your daughter?”

Usually, when people talk about the fact that humans are social animals, part of a mainland and never an island, I have trouble relating. For my entire life I have felt cut off from the rest of humanity. This has never been a great cause of sorrow for me, possibly because it’s impossible to miss what you never had, but the strong bonds that united other people, whether or not they were symbolized by rings or blood or something else, have always appeared to be looser, thinner, less meaningful for me than they are for others.

No man is an island by design. It's not what God intended.

I think the point of a discussion is for us to develop as people. Every time my views are questioned, I learn something new.”

Point of a discussion... Agree or Disagree

I had judged all religion to be dogmatic and the enemy of individuality.

Is Christianity the enemy of individuality?

There was no room for such things in my liberal, secular worldview. I came from a place where it was as natural to christen your children in church as it was to scorn and ridicule those who called themselves Christian. “I don’t think it’s a good thing to be driven by conviction, no matter what sort,” said Adam. “It has nothing to do with religion or a belief in God.”

Oxymoron

People are prepared to put aside everything in the way of ethics and morals to protect their families.

Would you do this? Could you turn that far away from what you believe to be right?

On the other hand, not even the most dogmatic fundamentalists seem inclined to blame their omnipotent gods for the misery that strikes us all sooner or later. To be born human is to carry blame.

To be born human is to carry blame - Interesting point. Is it true?

And as she slowly opened up to me, I became aware of how much we shared once you dug under the surface. Our shared fear of showing weakness. The constant worry that we weren’t good enough. And not least, the paralyzing feeling of being incapable of connecting—either to our own emotions or to other people.

Amazing quote about weakness. Not being good enough. And the lengths we go to to hide that fear. In the end it totally paralyses us though. Blocked emotions & blocked relationships with others, in the end cause your mental health to deteriorate.

I love Adam. Our relationship has sometimes been shaky, to say the least; it has crashed and burned, but they say that broken vases last the longest. Two people who have gone through everything we have together, who have come through an ordeal like ours in one piece, belong together in a way that is hard for others to comprehend.

So true. It's the hard times we go through together, that forge a closeness & intimacy that makes a couple stronger. These hard times will be the make or break of any long-term relationship. Especially a marriage.

“Thanks,” she whispers to her dad. Adam is crying like a child. He just lets it all come out, absolutely uninhibited and stripped bare. Stella extends a hand to touch him. Adam watches her hand move, sees the fingers stretching out and meeting his skin. The tiny hairs on his arm stand up. “Does it feel good in your heart now?” Stella asks.

How did Adam feel at this point. Relieved? Guilty? Ashamed? Grateful? Condemned? Can Adam’s faith survive, after telling these lies.Bearing False Witness is one of the 10 commandments. Yes Jesus came to fulfil the OT laws for us. But, they are still principles that Jesus upholds in the NT. Forgiveness, Redemption, Peace, Restoration, Grace are all possible through Jesus. Yet to receive any of those gifts, an acknowledgement, confession of our wrong doing is needed. Along with heart felt genuine repentance & a move to turn away from that way of life. See Psalm 51. Only God knows the state of our hearts. But on judgement day there will be a reckoning of every man/women ever born. Before the throne of God.