Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Busy Moms

by Kate Northrup

Plus, when I’m stressed out I don’t have the mental clarity to see how things could be simpler.

The other thing that can stop overcomplicating things in its tracks is meditation.

one-activity-per-season-per-kid rule)

no matter how well you schedule your time in theory, you still never feel like you got it all done.

the ancient Greeks knew what was up. They had two different names for time. Chronos describes linear time that passes by at a set speed in set increments and that we only have so much of. Chiros, on the other hand, describes time that suspends or speeds up depending on what’s happening as that time is passing.

Follicular/waxing crescent: Starting things, brainstorming, planning Ovulation/full moon: Connecting, getting out there, collaboration, communication Luteal/waning crescent: Detail-oriented work, bringing projects to completion, tying up loose ends Menstrual/new moon: Rest, evaluation, and research

experiencing life while exhausted is rarely worth it for me.

the concept of time bending (though I don’t think he calls it that) in Gay Hendricks’s book The Big Leap (which is one of my top book picks of all time). Hendricks introduces the concept of Einstein time versus Newtonian time—essentially the same thing as chiros versus chronos,

Do you rush all the time? Do you feel like you’re a slave to time? These are all indications that you’re living in time poverty.

When I find myself getting into that fried place where my ego thinks that rushing around is going to save time, I remind myself that I am, in fact, the source of time, and that the more calmly I go about things, the more time I have.

Affirming that we are the source of time makes it so. Plus, it’s just true anyway. When we believe we don’t have enough time, we rush and see the whole world through the lens of lack. So we have created the experience of not enough time. When we believe that we have more than enough time to do the things we need to do, we project that reality on the world, and our experience of the world shifts so that what we experience is, in fact, more than enough time.

false promise that more (doing or stuff or status) will actually bring us more joy. In fact, the complete opposite is true. Less doing and more being here where we are will bring us more joy. So if we start with being here where we are, we reduce the craving for more, and then we don’t even have to try to do less.

Over a year ago, I started writing a weekly to-do list instead of a daily one.

a lot of people say that when they became a parent they had to lower their expectations of themselves in terms of what they could get done. But I choose to see it as simply having changed my expectations of myself.

because I’m way more focused and I have no time to screw around, I actually get a lot more done than I did before having kids. Or at least I get more results from what I’m actually doing.

I’ve also shifted my expectations of myself in terms of how long I’m going to have to get any one task done, how many “extras” I have space for in my life, like side projects and hobbies, and how my day is going to go. Often, I have no idea what’s going to happen in a day, and releasing my need to control it has been the most sanity-giving thing of all.

Instead of obsessing about what happens in 24 hours, I have an intention about what will happen over the course of seven days. And when I get really clear on what actually needs to happen within a period of seven days (using the strategies I’m about to share with you), it usually actually happens.

Mind: What are your top three priorities for the week? Heart: How do you feel? How do you want to feel? Cosmos: What’s going on with the moon, stars, and planets that might impact you this week?

if something doesn’t happen, it didn’t matter that much anyway.

when I know my top three and it’s a week where I have a sick kid or I’m super exhausted or we lose power for five days (like we did a few weeks ago), I know the bare minimum that needs to get done in the limited time that I end up having to do it.

I love knowing that the Universe has my back in this way if I’m willing to pay attention and work with her.

Before I write each item down, I like to do a quick inventory of the following questions: Does this need to be done? Does this need to be done by me? Does this need to be done right now?

If the item could be done by someone else to even 80 percent the effectiveness that you could do it, delegate it.

Ask and It Is Given by Abraham-Hicks, which is an amazing book on surrendering and attracting things rather than working your tush off for them.

We also have a rule that if the other person needs to be present at one of the events we have scheduled, we need to send them a Google calendar invite, and we cannot assume that they’ll see the event themselves and know they need to be present.

During our #MoneyLove Date, we look at what’s in our business bank account, we transfer a set amount of money into another account for our personal needs, one for our personal wants, one for taxes, and one for savings.

also look at our personal expenses, which Mike tracks using mint .com. (We called all of our credit card companies and had the due dates moved to the first of the month so that it’s all organized and we can batch this activity.) Date Nights

What am I trying to control right now that’s not something that’s actually within my realm of control?

What could I stop doing that would allow me to reclaim my power and my energy to invest in things I actually have control over? What would it feel like to surrender in this area?

But hopefully by now you’re seeing why more isn’t always better and how deliberately using breaks, cycles, and pulling back can actually lead to the same, if not better, results (not to mention preserving your well-being).

We need to focus on the type of time we spend with others rather than the amount.

I came across a longitudinal study that didn’t show any relationship between a child’s emotional well-being, behavior, or academic performance and the amount of time their parents spent with them between the ages of 3 to 11.1 (The study, of course, didn’t discount the importance of family meals or one-on-one time.)

Another study cited mentioned that the degree to which fathers enjoy parenting has a far greater impact on decreasing behavioral issues at school than the amount of time fathers spend with their kids.

quality of time spent with your spouse has far more bearing on relationship satisfaction than the quantity.

Let the amount you’ve moved your body this week be enough. Let the effort you put into that project be enough. Let the amount of time you spent really truly being with your people be enough. (They’re not tracking the minutes, I promise. They just want you to be all the way there when you’re there.)

Let the amount of sex you’re having be enough. Let the love you have to give be enough.

The obsession with more, with needing to be and do more, distracts us from being and doing the things we’re already being and doing with all of ourselves. The mantle of disapproval we wear when we’re doing or being something that we think we should be doing or being more or better takes away from the very thing we’re doing or being to begin with. Obsessing about being and doing more has the oppo...

to all the women who mother, whether you’ve given birth biologically or not: You are the heartbeat of humanity.