Fantasy of Freedom (The Tainted Accords, #4)

by Kelly St. Clare

“It is a Bruma custom,” he explains. “If you reject the food I offer you, you reject me and all I offer.” My face falls. “I do?” This man had humbled himself before his entire people for me. He’d offered peace. Jovan nods. Someone is choking behind him, but I don’t move my eyes from his. “If I just eat one bite, is that enough? You feeding me is . . . strange.” His eyes gleam and I relent, glimpsing at the men. Their faces are carefully neutral. Jovan holds up the pear, eyebrow raised, and I brush my hair behind my ear, opening my mouth. If this is going to be done, it’s only happening once. Everyone needs to see. My lips close over the juicy pear, brushing against his fingers. His expression has never been so focused on my actions. Or maybe I notice this more because of where we are and who is watching. I chew quickly, avoiding the gaze of everyone. Juice escapes and rolls down my chin. But when I move to wipe the juice away, Jovan grips my hand and leans forward. As I sit frozen, the king licks the juice away and then presses a deep, breathtaking kiss to my mouth. I gasp as he pulls away. The hall cheers, to my mortification. I’ve never been more relieved when the assembly’s usual bustle and clang resumes. Until. . . . “Finally.” The word is breathed on a sigh. My eyes narrow at the word I clearly was not meant to hear. “Jovan,” I growl. “What did that mean?” He beams down at me, and so much happiness pours from him that I can only blink at the sight. “Want some more?” h...

I was riiight they're like the pack !

“I’m so happy for you, my King,” comes a quiet voice. “Thank you.” Jovan’s chest rumbles under my cheek, lulling me further into a boneless sleep. “But how will it work?” My eyebrows draw together in my mind. What are they talking about?

Engaged ??

He slaps my bottom again. “What was that one for?” I demand. I can hear the grin in his voice. “Because your very enticing ass is right next to my face and I can’t think straight.” “Oh.” I wince as it comes out as a squeak.

I haven’t even snapped a single rod of the Soar before Sanjay is upon me. He waits anxiously for news while I pretend not to understand what he wants. It’s cruel. But quite satisfying. “How goes the march?” I ask Roscoe. “Olina!” I frown at Sanjay. “Don’t interrupt.” Red begins to creep up his neck and I catch an amused glance from Adnan. I wait until he looks about to burst before relenting. “Oh, I forgot. Fiona gave me this message for you.” I rifle through my bundle and give him the right note. It can’t be missed due to the tear stains. He tears off the seal and scans the missive, grinning as he reaches the words halfway down the page. He clears his throat and talks loudly. “‘Sanjay, it is worse than when you were last gone. I catch myself thinking a lot about that time in the food hall, after everyone had gone to bed. Do you remember? You sat me on top of—’” With a jolt I realize he’s about to read the letter aloud. Roscoe touches my shoulder. “Would you like to move elsewhere?” I nod. It’s either that or clap my hands over my ears and scream. Roscoe takes my pack, and I tuck the Soar under my arm and follow Jovan’s right-hand man through the bedrolls and Bruma, hearing shouts of, “What happened next?” and “Shh, I’m trying to hear,” echoing behind me. Drummond is in the cave. Great. “What’s going on out there?” he asks. Roscoe coughs politely. “Sanjay has received a message from Fiona.” Drummond leaves without another word. That. Might be my father.

A whisper interrupts the silence, reaching us from where the Outer Rings Bruma sleep. “Beri, I think the Frost girly might be the fire princess.” Jovan’s snort is hardly quiet. I pinch him to shut him up. “Well, duh. Ain’t you been hearing the stuff? She was as snobby as anything before we corrupted her in the Outta Rings. We fixed her.” The king’s body begins to shake underneath me. I close my eyes, wanting to hear the rest. “That makes sense. Didn’t think I could like a Sluti.” “It’s a Soolatee, you stupid shit.” My own body begins to shake. I muffle my laughter against Jovan’s chest. Just like that, the Outer Rings create their own version of my story.

Ashawn stops beside us. His eyes dart between Jovan and myself, anticipating an argument. Jovan sighs. “Ash.” “Yes, dear brother?” “Fuck off.” “On it!” Ashawn resumes his trek down the roughly cut cliff steps.

“Where did you find her?” His voice cracks and my mouth dries as a tear tracks down the side of his face. Losing me would destroy him. Just as losing him would destroy me.

Jovan gets clingy-angry. Olandon just gets angry.

“If it makes it better, I’ve seen you naked six times now.” “What?” Jovan chuckles at my appalled response. “When you were stabbed, I saw you naked twice.” I narrow my eyes. “That leaves four other times.” “Remember when you were behind that screen and I frightened you?” I’d been changing out of my harness into my normal clothes. “You never came around the screen! I was watching.” A mischievous glint enters his eye. “I was there for a minute or two before I revealed my presence.” My mouth falls open. Though, I should have expected nothing less of a Bruma man. “And the other times?” I ask weakly. “There was that bath before I left,” he adds. “You have no idea how that memory has tortured me.” I drop my gaze to a point on his shoulder. “I think I have a pretty good idea.” His lips are on mine before I have time to process he has moved. Our teeth clash briefly from the ferocity of our meeting. His groan is one of longing and I greet it with my own hungry moan. I’ve waited forever for this moment. Yes, we slept together after the ball. And there was the beginning of something present at the time, something desperate, perhaps. The first time was uncontrolled, spontaneous. But this. . . . This feels like the first time. Neither of us has a mask on. Everything we’ve been through together has burned away the need for artifice. He’s everything I never thought I could have. His eyes drink me in as my clothes are removed. There’s no doubt in my mind that he wants me, and that he thin...

Jovan lifts his head and stares at me with a smile that’s almost shy. I can’t help the answering smile from spreading over my own face. He lifts a hand from beneath me and pushes a strand of hair back from my damp skin. “I love you, Lina.” I trace his jaw and kiss the corner of his mouth. “And I, you.”

A thought strikes me. “The other two times.” He stops and throws me a puzzled glance. “The other two times you’ve seen me naked. When were they?” A smirk crosses his face as he grabs my hand. “You know that argument we had about Blaine? How I left the baths, and you stayed?” I gasp. “You came back and watched?” “It wasn’t to spy on you . . . at first. It was to make sure you got back to the castle all right.” “I can’t believe you!” I whack him on the shoulder. He shrugs. “There’s something wrong with me. You’ll have to show me the error of my ways.” I squeal as he grips my bottom. “And the sixth time?” Jovan throws me a haughty glance. “Just now.” His words stop me in my tracks. “You. . . .” He arches an eyebrow. “You counted the sixth time before you’d seen me naked?” Jovan leans in and pulls at my lower lip with his teeth. I moan and he lets go. “Was I wrong?” An outraged snort leaves me. “You give overconfidence a new meaning.” He pushes me ahead of him, maintaining a grip on my hips at all times. “You were taking advantage of me,” he reasons. “It only seems fair that I take advantage of you in return.”

A few sniggers catch my attention and I survey the cave. Ashawn is talking in a low voice to Olandon, whose face is bright red. “Yeah, but it’s different. My brother was banging your sister. I’m proud of my brother, while you have to be feeling almost violated in a way. Your sister, Landon. Having sex.” Olandon shoves Ashawn aside and stomps past me without meeting my eyes. Ashawn saunters closer, watching my brother. “Just a word of advice, Tatuma.” “What’s that?” I ask warily. He gestures to the surrounding space. “Caves echo.” My face flames. I can’t think of any retort as Ashawn walks away, chuckling.

“It’s the careful planning of insanity. There is no point, no logic.”

Sin inspects his fingers. “Some might say, it was perfect timing.” I narrow my eyes at the handsome man resting against the trunk of a Kaur. Shard beats me to it. “You didn’t,” he says. Sin blinks in innocence. Shard glances at me with uncertainty. “He couldn’t have . . . could he?” The man from Tricks’s barracks stands with a yawn in the thatch home. His abdominal muscles leap into action. “I never have liked words like ‘couldn’t’ and ‘didn’t.’ They imply lines. I’m not overly fond of lines.” “You put the baby there,” I say flatly. Blizzard spits his food over Avalanche, who punches him in the face. Blizzard keels over against the wall. I see Aquin watch the exchange with interest. “I wouldn’t say I put the baby there. I just helped it to the food.” A dagger flies passed Sin’s cheek and embeds in the straw behind him. He holds out his hands to the threatening gleam in Shard’s hand. Another five or so daggers dangle from the advisor’s belt. “I took her from her sleeping mother and gave her a shove in the right direction.” He glares at me. “And I saved your ass.” His gaze flickers down. “Which, can I just say, is very distracting under your robes.” I stop myself from bursting out with laughter. Just. Does he think of nothing else? And he’s right. He did save my ass. In the pits, I learned from the best showman. And that showman was Sin. His instincts are infallible—but he doesn’t need to know that. A head can only get so big before it explodes. I don’t break my stare with S...

He nods toward Jovan. “You gave your boyfriend over there a heart attack.” Sure enough, Jovan’s back is tense. He worries too much. Standing on a mount’s back is nothing I haven’t done before. “He’s not my boyfriend,” I say instead. “Oh?” Ice feigns casualness on my other side, but I can see he is dying to hear the gossip. “The term ‘boyfriend’ just doesn’t suit him,” I explain. Ice ponders this. “True.” “Manfriend?” Sanjay offers. “Kingfriend?” Ice counters. “There’s a river ahead,” Shard interrupts. I throw him a grateful look. I’m sure Jovan overheard some of that. As well as anyone in a five-meter radius of my dromeda. An alliance between Sanjay and Ice is something to be feared. But I can only blame myself for introducing them. Blizzard appears a little disgruntled as he glances between the two men. Now that Flurry is gone, Ice is the pit-fighter-turned-minister-of-the-people’s closest friend. Sanjay’s eyes twinkle as he watches Blizzard’s jealousy. The suspicion occurs to me that my orange-haired friend might be toying with the barrack member. Again.

War is raw. It is like love in this way. You think you’re prepared for both, but you cannot predict what either will do.

I round on Sin. But then I see his hair . . . or what’s left of it. A startled laugh is pulled from my lips as I process that Sin’s glorious silken blond locks have been scorched away with fire. Half of his hair remains untouched, while the rest is a patchy, singed mess. “You find something funny?” Sin snaps. A laugh rumbles within Avalanche’s belly. “Your hair.” Ice cranes his head to stare. “Huh, didn’t see that. I was on the other side.” He snorts. “You look fucking ridiculous.” Sin scowls. It must be hard for the beautiful man to be a little less beautiful.

“What do you think happens in war, Lina?” “One side wins, and the other loses.” “No.” He shakes his head. There’s so much sorrow in the movement I forget to breathe. “Both sides lose. But one side loses a little less.”

That is a fact of war. There is no glory in it. No victory. All there is, is relief when it is finally done.”

“Because that is the sacrifice you make for your child. You would rather die than cause them pain.”

Who can guess the logic of someone who has severed ties with reason.”

Somehow Olandon and I land Avalanche in our tent. Sin was the first volunteer, but Jovan quickly vetoed that. I was glad at the time. Who knows where Sin’s hands would roam, and where my brother’s knife would end up, or what appendage Sin would lose—possibly his favorite. Then we got Avalanche instead. He doesn’t even fit in the tent; he just lies in the middle with our jackets wrapped tightly around his overhanging legs. “If I die because our tent flap is open for the giant, I won’t be happy,” Olandon says. “No,” grunts Avalanche. “You’ll be dead.” I giggle sleepily and lift my hand for a high-five. His goliath hand gently pats my own.

I haven’t thought of Kedrick in that way for a long time. It is odd to hear of him as my lover. I only have one lover.

I kick a sleeping sentry. He scowls until he sees who has woken him. And then he’s afraid. Then confused when he sees the bloody man at my feet. Not the nicest way to wake, I have to admit.

But to entertain the thought of betrayal, you first must entertain the thought the person could betray you.

“Then why aren’t you stomping around like you usually do?” “I don’t stomp.”

“Seriously, Sin, it’s the stupidest thing I ever saw,” Ice snorts. I glance to the side and burst into laughter. Sin has tried to make up for the fact he only possesses half a head of hair by combing the remainder toward the bald side. I snigger with everyone else. Dare I say it: Sin looks hurt by our amusement. Shard approaches, loosening a dagger from his belt. “Now Sin, this is for your own good.” There’s a moment—a short one—where Sin is confused. Then he understands what Shard means to do. “You wouldn’t,” he accuses. Shard nods to Blizzard, Wrath, Ice, and Avalanche, who close in slowly. I only see glimpses, mostly a tangle of limbs—and Sin’s high-pitched screams. Blizzard is making odd shushing noises as though the sound will soothe the man being forced to have a haircut.

“I want indemnity against King Jovan first.” I laugh. “If I could give it, you’d have it.” “It sure seems as though he’s wrapped around your undersized hands.”

I narrow my eyes at Drummond. Who woke him? It certainly wasn’t me.

I watch the whole display with wide eyes. This is incredible. Jovan smirks at the awe on my face, drawing himself up to full height. Men.