Life Expectancy

by Dean Koontz

Their love is deeper than desire, than affection, than respect, so deep that its wellspring is humor. Humor is a petal on the flower of hope, and hope blossoms on the vine of faith. They have faith in each other and faith that life has meaning, and from this faith comes their indefatigable good humor, which is their greatest gift to each other—and to me.

“Speeding or not, if it was a hearse,” said Grandma, “wouldn’t that be ironic—run down by a hearse? God knows, life is often ironic in a way it’s never shown on television.” “The viewing public could never handle it,” Mom said. “Their capacity for genuine irony is exhausted halfway through an episode of Murder, She Wrote.”

Most people don’t have fun while being held hostage and being threatened with death by the likes of Crinkles. I suspected, however, that Lorrie Lynn Hicks might be capable of it. I couldn’t wait for her to meet my family.

Insanity is not evil, but all evil is insane. Evil itself is never funny, but insanity sometimes can be. We need to laugh at the irrationality of evil, for in doing so we deny evil’s power over us, diminish its influence in the world, and tarnish the allure it has for some people.

He sighed. “That’s why I’ve decided to throw my life away in a frenzy of vengeance. Might as well die if I can’t fly.”

There is no glory in being shot while struggling with a clown for possession of a pistol.

Alone and imperiled, Lorrie needed Davy Crockett. Instead, all she had was me—a hairy-chested Julia Child.

Despair is the abandonment of hope. Desperation is energized despair, vigorous in action, utterly reckless.