Darklight (Darklight #1)

by Bella Forrest

I raised my gun,

Egh... Use of term "gun" here drives me nuts. How lazy!

Captain Bryce’s thick Scottish voice sounded from behind.

I wonder if she can keep this accent going or if it's forgotten after chapter 1.

Passing Teams A and B, I saw that everyone was unsuited and wore relieved expressions,

That was fast

makeshift changing room.

What kind of helicopter is this? Three teams and a changing room? How big is this thing?

I stepped back into the corridor.

The helicopter has a corridor too!?

mini kitchen unit.

And a mini kitchen? On a helicopter!

from the front of the room,

Now there's a room in this helicopter? And a room where three teams are gathered with room to walk around and they can talk!? Does the author even know what a helicopter is? These guys must be working for SHIELD to have money for something this fancy.

Even if that was true—which, to be fair, I had been hearing a lot recently—that

Egh. Use grammar much? Check was vs were usage.

Redbills can travel it, as well—that’s why redbills are so common around here.

Shouldn't the redbills have a proper name to the vampires? Even if they were familiar with the term, I would never expect them to use it.

“Start your testimony from five minutes before the sighting and describe in detail everything that followed until your rescue.”

Yes, let's not just recount the events, but start exactly 5 minutes before you were abducted because that makes sense and we're not going to bother asking questions if you miss any details, so please begin. Ugh... Research your dialogue!

Uncle Alan wrote on his pad of paper.

Hopefully making a note to investigate the murder and see if there was any evidence to the alleged crimes.

I pulled my cell from my pocket

Because we always carry cell phones into secured facilities to discuss classified information.

The phone returned to me, and I put it in my pocket.

They didnt confiscate it as evidence?

do not discuss what you’ve shared with people outside this room.”

Umm... Yeah... Research NDA.

I wasn’t sure whether I was disappointed I hadn’t seen more reactions, or glad.

Wow! Sentences like this

Letting this information reach anyone else’s ears is out of the question… Stability and calm are the most important things for the Bureau, this country.

And this is why we discuss secrets in secured facilities and not at home. Ugh... Research!

“Confidentiality is paramount. Any information regarding this ‘Immortal Plane’ and the tear will be strictly monitored.

That's why were discussing it here at home and not in a secure facility.

Holy crap. This guy has balls, showing up at headquarters like this.

Clearly they're not guarding or monitoring you, even though he said he'd find you. Ugh...

The guards directed the women to our room, and the men followed them down the other hall.

This could be written beter, like so much more of this book.

the Bureau tended to skimp on such luxuries as warm blankets and extra bedding.

But they have a helicopter in chapter 1 big enough for about 13 people with a "room" were they could have a mission debrief, and a side room where Lyra could change clothes? No expense has been spared up to this point, why start now on blankets and bedding?

The team seemed more confident

I don't think that's a good thing.

and other plushy additions.

Oh this is so stupid...

Hank had procured a stuffed crocodile from his luggage. “This is Dilly,”

Serioudly!? And it has a name? What am I reading!?

A wave of hands unlocked rifle safeties, and weapon tips angled up to the sky.

Isn't this supposed to be a peaceful get-together? This is terrible! I'm feeling more and more like they're just trying to trick and capture the vampires.

"I suppose we will trust you on that, then.

Why? You don't trust anything else they say.

"Please, make yourselves at home and choose your quarters however you please," Captain Bryce said, attempting a smile but rubbing his hands together as though nervous.

Wow! Now you're nervous about welcoming them into a prison?

"Do hope you can get comfortable," he said through his awkward smile. "Isn't five stars, but eh, military housing."

Uhh... Military prison. Housing would not have bars. Get your story straight.

Dorian shot a look down the aisle, momentarily eyeing a bearded security guard near the door,

Better hope none of the guards are evil

"Okay," I said softly. "Well, I'm going to head back and let you rest. I'll visit when I can."

No apologizing for the prison?

I couldn't see their eyes behind their dark glasses.

That's because they're sleeping! Who else wears dark glasses indoors?

“Captain,” I said. “I will muster a fresh set of guards.”

Seriously! Isn't it your job to keep the peace with the vampires? Don't you need to talk to Dorian and figure out what happened?

I selected the four who looked the calmest and assigned them to the vampire quarters.

Better get them vetted by the vampires first.

"I’ll look into the guard.

Better look into all of them... And it sure would be easier if you asked the vampires what they sensed.

I glanced over and caught my brother assessing the camera as well.

"the camera"? I thought there were six. Learn to write!

"You physically exert yourself for fun?"

Insane! Isn't it? :-) This actually got a pretty good laugh out of me.

“Do humans do this when saying goodbye, too?” he asked, extending his hand toward me for a shake.

Not anymore… COVID-19, 2020

I eyed him. "Nice to see you, too."

Still no apology for how they're being treated? Just attitude.

Dorian smirked at me, holding my eyes so long I felt a flush rise from my chest. I broke his gaze and cleared my throat in the quiet.

Please don't write this romance. It's unnecessary and unbelievable at this point. She had better chemistry with Rhome and Sike.

vampires did the same, like the young brunette named Rayne,

As in Blood Rayne?

It gurgled like a dragon preparing to blast fire.

Because that's a common sound everyone knows.

Maybe Zach had seen something I hadn’t.

Nah... The author is just stupid.

Part of me wished he’d leave me alone. I hadn’t been trained on what to do in situations involving… “non-professional” feelings.

You don't have non-professional feelings for him; the author's messing with you.

the last thing I wanted to do was approach that bird.

Come on! You're practically best friends already. It's time to learn how to greet the bird and pet its neck.

His tone was a little too condescending for my liking.

And now she's mad at him. Ugh this book is dumb!

I stepped closer to Dorian's redbill—the same one that had carried me during the last mission,

Shouldn't this meet and greet have happened before the mission? Or if it's causing such issues now, shouldn't it have been more difficult to mount the birds earlier? This is dumb.

I absently rubbed my forehead as I walked to the mess hall.

Uh oh. You've been marked.

My mind jumped back to the bleeding man in the grass at the motel.

Finally? Why wasn't this guy investigated when she first reported him? Come on!

The vampires' good behavior had earned them free time every so often with their padlocks open so they could visit each other.

You seriously think it's fair to have them locked up like prisoners and don't expect them to be upset by it? They're already locked in a room, are individual cells really necessary?

I paused and imagined how awful it would feel to have to be uncaged to visit my own family and friends.

Well at least she's starting to feel bad about how they're being treated.

I breathed in carefully, trying to be soundless,

Doesn't matter. They heard you.