I was certain that I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth and sleep forever. I no longer wanted to exist. And for those thinking rationally, those who love me, I can only begin to imagine how painful that is to hear. I can’t apologise because to do so would suggest I had some level of control over this process, but I had none. I can’t apologise because I did nothing wrong. It wasn’t a choice, and I can now see it was a consequence of my illness, a result of my decline in mental health. And actually it wasn’t only a consequence: as I saw it, it was, in fact, the cure. It was the
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On the nose bud
