A Very Punchable Face

by Colin Jost

I’ve told friends that I couldn’t speak until I was four and their usual response is: “Oh yeah, that makes sense.”

The island was even used by the British as a staging area for attacks on the rest of New York. And this tradition is alive today, as Staten Island voted almost 70 percent for Donald Trump—a clear fuck-you to the rest of the city.

I’m a creature driven by a combination of guilt and FOMO, which often overrides any sense of self-preservation.