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I learnt silence before I learnt talking. Silence gives you room to think, to plot. Talking only gets you in trouble.
I grin. “I want to be your first.” “My first in what?” My thumb wipes the moisture under her eyes. “In everything, Butterfly.” “Then I want your firsts, too.” She juts her chin. “Promise me.” “Promise.”
“Hate me all you want, but keep our promise. All your firsts are mine.”
I’ve always thought sleep is a waste of time. Why sleep when you can read?
Sick. Maybe. Probably. And part of my sickness is her. My Butterfly. My chaos.
“Happy birthday, Butterfly,” he whispers against my ear. “You’re now mine.”
“Because she’s mine now.” My throat closes around the word. Mine. How long have I waited to say that out loud? Years. Fucking years.
“Here’s the thing, Butterfly, I can’t stop.” “Why not?” “Because you’re my chaos, and I can’t survive without chaos.” “I’m chaos?” “The worst of all. The most beautiful of all. And you know what? You might as well be the deadliest.” My breathing chops off. “Are you ever going to let me go?” “Are you?” No.
“Close your eyes and sleep.” “You think it’s that easy?” “It is. I’ll give you pointers to sleep better.” “Pointers?” “Actually it’s one. Dream of me.”
“I hate you,” I tell him. He smiles as his lips brush against my temple and stay there. “Not as much as you want me, Butterfly.”
“Because you’re the reason I look forward to new days.”
You made me obsessed with you to the point I can’t fucking breathe until I see you.”
She’s so beautiful, it’s fucking me up. And it’s not only her external beauty, it’s everything about her, from her insecurities to her affectionate and responsible side.
“Well, here’s the thing, Butterfly.” He leans over and brushes his lips against my nose. “I don’t mind self-destructing if it’s with you.”
“What do you want from me? Just leave me alone.” “I can’t.” “Why not?” “Because you’re in pain. I hate it when you’re in pain, Butterfly.”
“I told you, you’re not the only one responsible for this. Your pain is my pain, Butterfly.”
“You told me to go home. You’re my home, Cole.”
“Because I love you, Cole. I’ve been in love with you since you found me in the park that day and pulled my hair and told me you wanted my firsts. I’ve loved you more through the years, and I hated every time I had to face the reality that I couldn’t be with you.”
“Does that mean you’re mine now?” “I
always have been.”
