Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement

by Buster Benson

One of the most surprising things I’ve noticed during my experiments in productive disagreement is how quickly things go off the rails precisely when people stop speaking from their own perspective and try to speculate about other people’s perspectives.

Socrates taught that the true goal of dialogue was to reach moments of aporia—not to decide or become certain or be proven right but to realize that you don’t actually know what you’re talking about.

By accepting a dangerous idea without endorsing it, we can still strongly disagree with our own understanding of the idea, while also listening to someone else’s understanding of the idea. Because they might be different things. The key is to remain open to the possibility that speakers don’t actually think what you think they think.

When we find an idea unacceptable before seeing it for what it really is, we just fill it in with our worst predefined stereotypes.