Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement

by Buster Benson

We can really change only two things: our own minds and our own behavior.

our perception of an unacceptable demand on our freedom.

we do have strong beliefs about what we think other people should be allowed to request of us.

We have a tendency to continue to maintain old perspectives even after we’ve “decided” to change our mind. That’s called the continued influence effect,

Arguments have deep roots and will always find a way to grow back again.

This is true not only of the arguments we have but also the ones we don’t have. Arguments don’t end, because they have long, long roots. They might disappear from the surface of reality, but they’re just hiding.

The easiest thing you can do to have more productive disagreements immediately is to remember to ask the other person: “Is this about what’s true, what’s meaningful, or what’s useful?”

“What is this about?”