Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement

by Buster Benson

a relationship without conflict is a relationship without communication and is bound to fail.

The key word in our definition of a disagreement (an unacceptable difference between two perspectives), isn’t “difference.” It’s “unacceptable.” Once the clash between perspectives becomes unacceptable, our motivation shifts from understanding minds to changing them, and from that shift springs a world of trouble.

The common thread among all of these behaviors that show up as a result of the backfire effect is our perception of an unacceptable demand on our freedom.

We have a tendency to continue to maintain old perspectives even after we’ve “decided” to change our mind. That’s called the continued influence effect,

When you find yourself arguing with your own shadow, you might as well sit down, because it’s going to last a very long time.