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You pay attention to how people answer, instead of what they say. In this way, after asking a few simple questions, you can determine what will trigger and maintain someone's motivation and how they internally process information.
Once you know a person's Patterns, you can then tailor your language so that it has maximum impact for that person.
People transform their actual experience, their opinions, and so on, in ways that correspond to their own particular Deletions, Distortions, and Generalizations.
to show someone you have understood them, play back their key words, their Criteria.
Influencing Language: Use the person's Criteria to attract and maintain interest. When a person hears their own Criteria, they will immediately feel the emotions attached to those words.
The authors noted that if entrepreneurs answered the Away From questions, they received much lower funding on average but if they shifted the focus to "Promotion" strategies and used goal-oriented (Toward) language, the results were very different.
Internal employees have trouble accepting being managed, and generally do not need praise to stay motivated. Working for a "micro-manager" would be torture. Their motivation comes from inside; they are self-starters. They need to make their own decisions and will do that even when they have not been given permission. They become demotivated when they do not get to decide anything. When you give them an instruction, they will consider that as a piece of information and then decide whether to follow it.
To sell to people who have an Internal Pattern, you need to give them information and let them decide.
When John Gottman researched couples' interactions[17], he explained that one partner makes a 'bid' to the other, such as "Look at that beautiful bird outside." What the partner is looking for, is a sign of interest, recognition or support from their partner.
Rumor has it that women like to watch a program to the end and men like to flit. Jerry Seinfeld said: "Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV"[22].
We need Options people to think of new choices and alternatives, and we need Procedures people to see that they get implemented. Building a high-performance team depends on how well you use the different strengths in the team to accomplish what needs to be done.
Employees also need to make sure they are working on the right things: the right level of detail vs. the big picture.
Two Sentence Principle might be for you. Speak two sentences and then observe or listen to your audience (whether one person or many). Do they want more? Do they look bored or want to leave?
An Incompetency Attack has nothing to do with one's real level of competence, which may be excellent. It is a strong, emotionally-based belief of one's incompetence, usually felt by someone with a Feeling Pattern in that Context.
If you have emotional outbursts that you would like to manage better, first be aware of what your typical negative hot buttons are. Secondly, notice your reaction in the moment as it's happening (yes you CAN do this). Thirdly, get out of the situation without drawing attention if possible so that you can do what you need to calm down. And fourthly, if it is not possible to leave, breathe deeply and smile, knowing that you can come back later when you are emotionally ready to handle the situation.
Generation Z, (born between 1996 and 2012) is the loneliest generation and is in the poorest health.[28]
