On evaluation sheets from this time when asked if he was having suicidal thoughts, O’Hanlon always checked the “no” box, but he says that wasn’t true. He was having suicidal thoughts. But he didn’t want to mark that box, because he would have lost his security clearance and possibly his job. He couldn’t think how to support the family without his work. He knew he was sick, very sick, but he also knew in every practical sense that he couldn’t admit to it.
