The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions

by Emily P. Freeman

As it turns out, the best time to look for an expert is not when you need vision, it’s when you need a plan. It’s a great idea to find teachers and mentors. You just have to do things in the right order.

Bear in mind that, at some point, you may be the guru someone needs to ignore. Try not to take it personally.

If you have a big decision to make and you’ve taken the time to settle in and listen to the heartbeat of your own life, you may still feel unsettled with what comes next. Some of the best teachers available to us in our lives are ones we often overlook. I call them co-listeners, and they are infinitely more helpful than a gaggle of gurus. Here’s how I found mine.

The point is being honest about where you are and what you need, and then looking around in your own community for people to walk with you and with whom you can walk.

Gathering a group of people around you for the purpose of listening is not a new idea.

Oftentimes I think something could be a great opportunity, so I say yes out of a fear of missing out.

This will not be easy, especially if your fear of missing out is particularly strong.

A No Mentor is there to help you feel confident about saying no to the things you really don’t want to do anyway or to help you finally discover your strong, brave yes in the midst of fear.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you’re supposed to start a business doing that thing, write a book about it, lead a team through it, teach it, get a degree in it, or anything at all.

Instead, she says this about that one lady that one time: “But we’re not gonna give her words, ’cause that’s exactly what she wants.”

The critic is a tricky companion, because not all critics are created equal.

Here’s something I’ve learned about the critics in our lives: it’s not necessary (or healthy, for that matter) to have people always agree with you, but the critiques to most seriously consider are the ones coming from those who believe in you. If someone who believes in you, your work, your art, or your decisions is pointing out a weakness or trying to make things better, it’s helpful and healthy to consider their words with humility and grace.

The gift the critic brings, whether we like it or not, is a line in the sand.

Just because someone said something positive doesn’t mean it felt like you.

think of a time when you felt most like yourself. Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with? And maybe it’s also important to consider, Who were you not with?

What is also true is we can’t move through what we refuse to acknowledge.

You just get to be you. You are allowed to take up space in the room. You are allowed to choose something and you are allowed to change your mind.

I needed to give myself permission not to practice some things for a while because I couldn’t figure out how to do them without thinking I was earning something.

My closets are never more organized than when I have a writing deadline. I

I would keep her clean and organized if she would stop harboring the enemy in the form of clothes that were too tight.

your

Take some time and reflect. What ways are you punishing yourself, like the author did with her pants?

When we get honest with ourselves, the things we base our decisions on can be embarrassing.

it’s not as simple as just wanting to fit in. It’s more like wanting to know where I fit, which is, if you can believe it, super different from wanting to fit in.

I simply have to be myself.

When we are comparing, we cannot connect.

But if my role is undefined, or if it’s a social situation where I don’t know people well, or if I attend a gathering where someone else in the room shares my role and the lines are unclear, I have a tendency to fly far from my center both during and after.

Could it be possible that the person you’re competing with most is some idealized version of yourself that you can never live up to?

I’m sure you can relate to gripping the edge of your seat in an airplane or in some other area such as your kitchen or your church or your car, holding on for dear life because you don’t know what will happen next, and that can be the worst part, the not knowing.

There may be parts of your life where you feel like you’re burying seeds again.

In the waiting, it’s easy to question and normal to doubt.

You could be called to a particular job and be addicted to the validation.