As important, contempt isn’t just harmful for the person being treated poorly. It is also harmful for the contemptuous person, because treating others with contempt causes us to secrete two stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline. The consequence of constantly secreting these hormones—the equivalent of living under significant consistent stress—is staggering. Gottman points out that people in couples who are constantly battling die twenty years earlier, on average, than those who consistently seek mutual understanding. Our contempt is inarguably disastrous for us, let alone the people we are
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