DON'T FORGET YOUR CROWN: Self-Love has everything to do with it.

by Derrick Jaxn

It’s not about what speaks the loudest, it’s about what speaks the truth, which is something only patterns will do.

But as a woman, your patience to let his patterns speak over time is going to be your lie detector test his actions take for you to know if they’re indicative of the real him or not.

In a more sexually inclined world than ever before, the amount of time a man is willing to invest for something strictly physical shrinks every day, so waiting a month or two should do the trick in ridding you of most guys who are just looking for their next penis cushion.

Time is the most valuable, yet underrated tool used in dating because nine times out ten, hindsight allows us to identify how using more of it would’ve saved us a lot of trouble.

However, rushing and prematurely becoming vulnerable to someone who hasn’t proven themselves wastes more time because it requires more time to undo the damage and heal the wounds from the time spent in it.

The misinterpretation of the overwhelming excitement, strong connection, and perception that it’s mutual early on can confuse those of us who believe in soul mates that we’ve finally found ours.

even if two people are perfectly matched, patience will be needed to build an effective foundation for a long-term run.

Soul mates are two people who, even if divinely chosen for each other, consciously choose each other and the work it’s going to take to make a healthy relationship last every day, every argument, every opportunity that presents itself to go against the promise to not hurt each other, every temptation to just give up on the relationship, and every mistake that hurts the other, including the work to make it right. I learned this lesson firsthand from my soul mate.

a woman unafraid to hold a mirror to my flaws while actively working on her own, one who knew how to support without enabling, who practiced confidence while working to accept the things she was insecure about, a listener, a nurturer, and a partner.

I thought back to how inspired I felt to achieve more because of the life she spoke into me, and while there were supportive women I met after her, there was a specific tone and message she somehow knew I needed in every moment I needed it.

Once you know what you want, the other things you could still have don’t matter anymore.

What if you can’t have what you want despite how bad you want it?...

Phase one is the Comfort Phase.

phase two: the Single Phase.

phase three: the Investigative Phase.

phase four: the Fight Phase.

the Heartbreak Phase.

with her becoming whole again, first, this new man had to come correct, because she wasn’t aching for someone to save her from the inescapable pain of a failed relationship. She’d already saved herself. She wasn’t desperate, and she was wiser than before.

it does no woman any good to have a man she wants if he doesn’t show that he wants her, too, and more importantly, values her.

One problem is a man’s suggestions may come from his current state as opposed to her best interests that he’s supposed to have at heart.

Caractéristique particulière de Ramses

the right man will focus more on ways they can both adapt to each other to achieve mutual relationship goals set forth from the beginning.

So, as a hard-working man, he’ll require that she support him but also look for her to hold him accountable for supporting her as well, which serves their mutual goal of being each other’s support system.

Firstly, she must stop thinking strictly about what a man wants and start deciding whether he’s even worth being wanted.

Knowing how that man defines marriage, if he’s found himself, and if it’s the correct time in both of their lives to have found each other should be at the top of that list.

some of the blame should be divided between 1) how stupid love makes us all and 2) our aversion to letting a relationship “fail”.

So, at what point should we just let it go? The answer: when you look at what you’re tolerating and see that you’d be ashamed to tell the version of yourself you were before you got into the relationship. When you look at the issue, and you’re no longer operating on evidence that it’ll improve based on both you and your partner’s effort, but mere hope because that’s what you want. When you notice that you’re the only one fighting for things to get back on track or realize that there’s been nothing different about the most recent infraction that separates it from the others you’ve forgiven besides the date and excuses you were given as to why it happened.

But when we leave for good, regardless of what the future may bring, we’re able to strictly focus on the self-love we need to heal and accept whatever feels right going forward with no prior commitment tying us to what may not belong in our next season.

There’s no failure in leaving something and doing better because you left. There may have been a failure in your ability to have foreseen the outcome, but if you leave one place to go to another that’s much better, that’s not a failure, that was a pit stop.

What’s your return on the investment of a hurtful, painful relationship? As cliché as it sounds, the lessons, but only if you take those lessons and apply them. The lessons, by themselves, mean nothing if you take them and repeat the same steps that landed you in the previous mess.

Knowledge isn’t power until it’s acted on, and lessons don’t profit you until you adjust for the better afterwards.

More importantly, loving the wrong person gives you additional tools to love the right one.

Last but not least, you benefit from the additional endurance. Although it wasn’t best spent on prior relationships, the ability to persevere strengthened through the coping mechanisms you implemented in the wrong situation and the amount of time it’s going to take to discourage you enough to leave.

If a relationship is simply on the rocks, that’s one thing, but when dysfunction becomes a fundamental piece of the union, it has failed, even if they’re still together.

If we were to assess the success of a relationship not by its mere existence or by how long it’s existed, but rather by its health, everything would change.

Single people would shift the focus from simply getting into a relationship to preparing for a healthy one based on what they’ve learned from their previous ones.

This is exactly the same thing broken men do to attract healers so they can break them. They speak to their pain, struggle, and hardship before going on about how its affected them. That’s their segue to how a woman’s value is priceless in their life.

When a woman’s heart opens to a man like that, she doesn’t get to press pause when it hits home, his hurtful actions play on repeat with every time he apologizes and blames his brokenness on what he told her in the beginning.

Maybe he does have a good heart, but a good heart counts for nothing inside a broken vessel.

Because before he heals, if he ever does, he will hurt whoever’s close to him.

although I do believe men and women can be just friends, I don’t believe there’s room for more than one non-platonic foundation if you plan on any of them being a sturdy and life-long home.

But the potential of a friendship is not about its age, it’s about its beginnings. If it’s an old flame, it needs to be put out or will eventually burn down the new house you’re trying to build.

When you remain friends with someone you’ve had intimate experiences or feelings with, it’s not guaranteed that something sexual will happen, but there’s always a chance in which familiarity will only increase.

we’re all capable of doing things we wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. But those things are almost always triggered by what our infrastructure is and what options are most accessible.

But if we’re considering non-verbal communication a real thing, then social media conduct needs to be accounted for.

Men are visual creatures, yet that doesn’t absolve us from our responsibility to be respectful creatures as well, because if a woman did many of the things we try to normalize as “a man being a man” then we’d be some jealous creatures, too.

insecurities don’t excuse disrespect when it’s the disrespect that causes the insecurities.

With all the things set up to make your relationship fail these days, two people who honestly want one to work shouldn’t put any additional obstacles in their way, and there’s no bigger obstacle than ones that covertly compromise the integrity of the relationship.

Yes, it is difficult for many men to open up about vulnerabilities without feeling like less of a man, but our general feelings as it relates to women are pretty clearly expressed. If we like a woman, we show it. If we’re only sexually attracted to a woman, have no respect for her, are intimidated by her, or believe we want to marry her, we make those things obvious.

But one of the most run-down vehicles advertised as top of the line is the one where you two just met but he’s too busy working to ever spend real quality time with you or even have a few conversations on the phone.

a man having some difficulties expressing his feelings shouldn’t stop you from protecting yours from what it is he may be saying to you with his behavior.