DON'T FORGET YOUR CROWN: Self-Love has everything to do with it.

by Derrick Jaxn

If he goes out of his way to victimize himself no matter how at fault he is in every situation, that’s also a red flag he’s narcissistic.

Other safety measures include background checks, healing from your past relationship, accountability partners, or people you can trust to have your back that will notice when you’re not acting like yourself.

Above all, the most critical facet of your preventative upkeep is your application of self-love.

This is why it’s crucial to have a foundation of self-love, which is the understanding, acceptance, and protection of ourselves through daily actions and boundaries that get us closer to our healthiest potential.

most of us are not asked what it is that uniquely inspires and engages us outside of whatever career we pursue.

Our personality traits, things that hurt us, trigger us, who we’re quickest to trust, what outlets give us the best peace of mind in the middle of life’s storms, what body weight we feel the best at without any influence or validation from outsiders, are all things that really allow us to understand who we are.

acceptance is as much of a daily process as is understanding our ever-evolving selves.

The point is, you cannot fully accept yourself without getting out of the habit of comparing yourself to others,

protecting yourself is essentially the careful choosing of what battles to fight, and how long you fight them.

Self-care is another means of protection. The same way stretching and strengthening muscles protects your body from injury, self-care protects you from stretching yourself too thin without the necessary rest and help you need to keep from crashing.

But untended to needs don’t go away; they manifest into sicknesses, depression, or desperation for anyone who’s there at the right time to convince us they’re there to help.

When you’re protecting yourself from giving your heart to the wrong ones and mindful about what battles you fight regardless of which ones you’re invited to, people can’t toy with your happiness that you create without them, and you don’t hit rock bottom when they no longer contribute to it.

You won’t be easily enticed by someone who claims to love the real you because that love for the real you will already be there.

Understanding yourself enables you to guide the right one, when they come, in loving you.

For instance, if a boyfriend is truly trying to love his girlfriend, but says something to hurt her feelings, she needs to be able to articulate exactly what and why it hurt her.

However, what should be considered wrong is that so many women have given more time to men that didn’t deserve it than they care to admit.

no woman should be aiming to make every or even most men like her because it only takes one right man to love a woman.

The same way many men were taught that emotions conflict without our masculinity, women are told that being bold, self-assured, and no-nonsense is something reserved for men.

As a parent, sometimes you must tell your child what to do regardless of what they think is right, but sometimes, you really do have to listen to them or take time to help them understand why you told them to do what it is you told them.

A woman can be assertive enough to get exactly what she wants and nothing less while understanding how to not be so aggressive, she leaves no room for a man to fit into her life.

I was always one to value advice from those older than me because wisdom is invaluable, but I learned on that day to put things in perspective, too.

But the phrase, “The woman is the prize”, or more specifically, its implication made me wonder if the woman is the prize, then what does that make the man? Just the recipient? The winner?

Men evening the playing field of also being a prize for a woman is actually a win-win since a properly loved woman upgrades the same way a man does.

it’s 100 percent realistic for a man to match a woman’s value by doing things like supporting her mentally in teaching her things she wouldn’t have known without him, helping her develop better self-care habits, reminding her to focus on the positive when her world seems to be falling apart around her.

But unfortunately, pregnancy as a co-responsibility isn’t implied with the roles of protector and provider, so many men blame the woman when she doesn’t show an unrealistic, super human ability to both grow an entire human in her stomach and not miss a beat with her husband’s romantic expectations.

Be a provider, protect when needed, but also do some of the same things for her that he enjoyed so much when she did them for him.

So, if Granny, Grandpa, or anyone’s advice isn’t centered around your peace of mind, growth, and fullest potential, it’s time to second guess it.

the mantle of ethical responsibility has largely been placed on women when it comes to relationships.

pessimism never produces the best results. It wires our minds to expect and solely prepare for the worst the world has to offer, which leaves us unprepared to make the best of the good opportunities when they do come.

Often, we confuse “no good” with simply being incompatible, but there are, in fact, many good men, or at least those smart enough to realize nothing is worth the price of peace of mind.

So, those men who value their life eventually realize that cheating, while providing a brief thrill, is a dead end, as opposed to the perks of being faithful that hardly no one ever talks about, like the ability to focus.

Above all, men won’t learn any lesson on changed behavior regardless of experience if we don’t, first, have three things: vision, good sense, and an understanding of the difference between a change and an adjustment.

This is more reason it makes no sense for a woman to try and fix a man by being a better woman or even believing that she wasn’t good enough to change him.

She has to make a decision to walk away from good that isn’t good enough,

If a man realizes he has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be with an amazing woman and sense enough to know that he’d better step his game up if he wants to keep her, the only thing left is for him to know how to make an actual change as opposed to just an adjustment, as so many of us do.

And while some women decide to just settle for this because “nobody’s perfect,” only women that require actual change will receive the man who has in his mindset, core values, and emotional health, which produce the end result of permanently changed actions.

Remember, this is not so much about the catalyst being a worthy trigger, but rather where the man goes within himself to address the need for change once he’s triggered.

The moment we’ve made up in our minds that something isn’t real, we act accordingly.

So, to believe, or restore belief that good men do exist, a woman must know how to recognize one in which there are a few things she can look for, the first being how he responds to realizing her value.

But if he’s intrigued, turned on, or refreshed by it, he’s likely a decent guy.

It’ll be evident in his actions that he wanted a woman of quality to build with, not just a woman to cooperate so he could use her.

A good man also won’t fault a woman for what she’s been through. “It wasn’t me.” “I had nothing to do with that.” “Leave the past in the past,” is a signal that he doesn’t want to hear about painful experiences that shaped the way she moved in relationships are mantras of weak men.

if a man has the capacity to be a good husband one day, he’s going to have to love that woman, including everything she’s been through. He won’t be responsible for healing her, but being a listening ear, and studying every inch of her heart, things sh...

Decent men also have a healthy view of manhood.

if he defines his masculinity by trivial things instead of being fit to lead as well as humble enough to know when to follow, a chance for a healthy relationship is slim to none.

If he casually calls things “gay” that aren’t hyper masculine, or talks over women, the time will come where he takes some toxic measure to reassert his “manliness” the moment he feels like it’s been threatened.

Another indication that he’s a good man is if he has a clear vision for what he wants for the future.

Men who are only concerned enough to send “Wyd” texts aren’t planning on a future with you. If he doesn’t care about where your next career move is or how many children you want, it’s because that phase of your life is irrelevant to his true intentions.

Men who look for time to spend doing activities that have no chance of immediately leading to sex should also be on a woman’s potential “good man” radar.

More evidence of husband potential can be found in his response to when she’s not in a good mood.