The Two Week Curse (Ten Realms, #1)

by Michael Chatfield

“Marines, fuck boy!” Rugrat looked down the turret hole and yelled at Dillon. “You were a Marine fuck boy?” Dillon asked slowly, a puzzled look on his face. Rugrat started to swing his size-fourteen boot around. “The children are fighting again, dear,” Honcho said to Erik. “Eh, one less kid,” Erik said. “Bronco Two, this is Three. Rugrat, will you stop kicking Dillon? Over,” Rossy said. “Bronco Three, this is Two. Currently having gladiator test for favorite child. Over,” Erik replied without missing a beat. “Bronco Two, this is Three. Understood. Five bucks on Dillon. Out.”

“Don’t look at me. Looks like his head’s so far up his ass he came full circle.” Rugrat shrugged. “Didn’t think of that.” Erik nodded as if the world’s secrets had been revealed to him.

“Great. A teenager can kick my ass. I’m starting to feel old,” Erik said. “Well, you’re practically fucking ancient, so it’s about time.” “You’re four years younger!” “Four years younger, less ancient. Full of vigor and energy. Don’t worry, gramps. We all get old at some time,” Rugrat commiserated. “Come, tell me that when I’m not strapped to a tree.” Erik swung at Rugrat, who was just two feet too far away. “Ah, the senile ways. Don’t worry, I’ll find you a nice home.” “I’ll find a nice home for my foot up your ass!” Erik said.

“Can take the redneck out of the South; can’t take the love of blowing shit up and setting it on fire out of the redneck,”

knew I should have gotten that baseball bat.” Rugrat groaned. “Firebombs and you want to hit them with a fucking baseball bat?” Erik nearly yelled before waving his hands, as if to get as far from this lunatic as possible. “Fine, right, okay, of course. For the love of all things holy, warn me before you start rearranging the forest.” “Will do!” Rugrat said with a pleased expression. Erik looked right at Rugrat. “You’re fucking insane.” Rugrat looked touched as he held his heart and bowed his legs, as if he were overly embarrassed. “Thank you. That’s the nicest compliment you’ve given me!” Erik promptly turned around and smacked his face into a tree. “Get. That. Image. Out. Of. My. Head!” “And that, kids, is how Erik got brain damage.” Rugrat walked off toward their next point on the map. Erik made some unintelligent noise. “He was never the same after that!” Rugrat’s words came out in a rush as he had to run to escape Erik’s grasp.

Like how we know everything about weapons because we like them, but if someone asks us to do math tests, we’d rather punch them in the face.”

“Time to play chicken with a dragon,” Erik said. “Ohhh, I think I just got goosebumps,” Rugrat said.

Wouldn’t that be something? Even if I don’t succeed, even if I get halfway and it’s all game over, wouldn’t it be one hell of a thing to have tried?

Rugrat’s head recoiled back, his lips pressed together. He looked like an offended llama. “Dat’s fucked.” “Thanks for the confidence boost,” Erik muttered. “Fucking support llama.” “Who’s a llama? You’re a llama!”

It was some time before Rugrat cleared his throat. “So, just, like, want to know…we cool, man?” Erik looked up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh as a part of his soul seemed to leave him before looking at Rugrat. “Not like you weren’t thinking it. We just going to all sit here and mourn the death of a crappy, old desk?” Rugrat pointed at the remains on the ground. “’Twas a valiant desk, but it will also be valiant firewood.”

“Heavy infantry! What do we do?” Niemm asked. “We stand!” they replied as one, their voices resonating inside the shield wall. “What do we not do?” “We do not break!” they all replied and gripped their weapons tighter. The lingering doubts and fear in their minds cleared. “I am proud to stand with you all today. We might not last till tomorrow, but we will not break! We will stand together!” Niemm yelled, feeling his throat close up with emotion. “Hah!” They slammed the sides of their blades against their shields in salute and agreement.

“I told him!” a somewhat familiar voice yelled out with indignation. A bony head appeared out of Rugrat’s storage. “Not now, Egbert!” Rugrat yelled, smacking the skeleton on the top of the head as it disappeared back into his storage ring. “You were saying?” Rugrat coughed, as if nothing happened. Erik pinched the bridge of his nose. “Is there a skeleton in your storage ring?” “Maybe.” “Is there a talking skeleton in your storage ring?” “Maybe.” “Why is there a TALKING SKELETON IN YOUR STORAGE RING?” “I wanted a souvenir?” “I’m not a souvenir!” said an angry voice that came from Rugrat’s ring. “Don’t make me come down there, Egbert!” “You named it Egbert?” Erik asked. “Not an it! I’m a he.” Egbert’s head appeared, all skull and glowing blue flames in his eyes. “Egbert, not the time!” Rugrat stuffed Egbert back into his storage ring. Erik looked at the ceiling, as if seeking strength from it. “Let the damn talking skeleton out of the storage bag.”

Erik looked at Rugrat before the latter gave in. He let out a sigh as “Egbert” was revealed. “You’re pretty skinny, huh?” Erik asked. “I’m a damn skeleton. What do you expect me to be, overweight?” the skeleton yelled back. Rugrat made eye contact and tapped his finger on his storage ring, sharing a look with Erik. “No, you’re not going to stuff him back in your storage ring,” Erik reprimanded. “But—” Rugrat started. “Go and play with your rifle in the corner,” Erik said. “You go and play with your rifle in the corner,” Rugrat muttered, kicking a rock that went flying into Egbert’s ribcage, knocking out a rib and rattling around. “I just fixed that one!” Egbert complained as Rugrat put his hands behind his back, whistled, and walked away as he looked up at the ceiling.

Egbert pulled one of his finger bones out; the rest of his finger didn’t collapse as he held it out. Rugrat pulled his head back into his neck trying to get away without moving, revealing a few unflattering chins. “That ain’t natural.”

“Why do I have the feeling I won’t like this?” Rugrat asked. “What made you think that?” Erik stood. “My balls being located in my stomach right now.” Rugrat shrugged.