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I was screaming, panicking, like a bee against a glass pane. The real world was there but suddenly out of reach.
Our whole adult life had been lived together. Every dream or plan, every success or failure, had been two halves of one whole life. Never separate, never alone, one.
“You can’t be ill, I still love you.” As if just loving him was enough.
The sea was breaking on the rocks beneath as we finish the mackerel and rice.
Typo, should be “finished”
“We can’t go back, we’re going forward.”
Putting one foot in front of another in a metronome of blankness was strangely satisfying and I didn’t want to think.
Each lungful of salt scouring our memories, smoothing their edges, wearing them down.
The hunger was still there, but like the aching joints and hardening blisters was becoming something to observe rather than feel.
“Of course there’s a high proportion of addicts on the streets, but whatever makes you homeless, you still deserve help.”
the pain was only in the echo.
Then it lowered on me, the roof beginning to caving in, the roof I’d held off with pit props of denial all summer.
Typo, should be “beginning to cave in”
Familiar actions from a familiar life, but one I no longer lived. I wasn’t living my life; I was just existing in someone else’s.
Motherhood
It had taken everything and now the whole thirty years had gone. What now? What the fuck now?
grieving. I was haunted by ghosts of Moth that stalked his living days. Spiraling
“Because I want you to keep me in a box somewhere, then when you die the kids can put you in, give us a shake and send us on our way. Together. It’s bothered me more than anything else, the thought of us being apart. They can let us go on the coast, in the wind, and we’ll find the horizon together.”
How can there be so few individuals who understand the need for people to have a space of their own? Does it take a time of crisis for us to see the plight of the homeless? Must they be escaping a war zone to be in need?
The shock of something going right is almost as powerful as when it goes wrong.
