The Music of What Happens

by Bill Konigsberg

I have to look away, because he’s the kind of adorable that doesn’t know it’s adorable. That’s the best kind.

I wish I could show him my heart. That’s dangerous, though. You show it and people laugh. Nothing is worse than people laughing at your open heart, which is why I think guys don’t do that so much.

a kneaded eraser that’s good not just for blotting out mistakes, but also pulling apart. I used to have a nervous habit of doing that, like I couldn’t go two seconds without rolling a ball of gray eraser around in my fingers and then pulling it apart and stuffing it back together.

“It’s just stupid shit. Like, the world is a big place. We’re just space dust. None of this means shit. Sometimes when I’m upset, I have to remember that.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Sure,” I say. He’s right. Sometimes I get all freaked out, but in the end we’re pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

“I think we’re Donald Trump-ing,” I say. He makes a face. “Ew.”

There are the mud-flowers of dialect And the immortelles of perfect pitch And that moment when the bird sings very close To the music of what happens.”

With my white friends, I’m always half-Mexican. They never say I’m half-Irish. Never say I’m half white. Like I’m tainted halfway away from standard. It’s like when I was a kid and I thought vanilla ice cream meant no flavor, like it was the base of all the flavors. But vanilla is a bean. Like chocolate is a bean. Like cinnamon is a root. All roots and beans. All flavors. There is no base. No ice cream without a flavor.

“It’s just the music of what happens,” I say.

I don’t know. I mean, it’s not all beautifully harmonic, this world we find ourselves in. Clearly. There’s shit music, and sometimes the melody goes away completely. There’s silence and dissonant chords that cringe your ears. But the synchronicity of a perfectly created chorus? And the fact that you never know when one is coming? And that amazing feeling, the first time you hear a song and you know it’s going to be with you forever? I have to think that’s worth everything.