Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

by Susan Forward

Envision a glass elevator on the ground floor of a 50-story observation tower. I’d like you to picture yourself inside the elevator as the car slowly starts to move up. As you look out on the lower floors, it’s difficult to see anything because of a swirling ground fog. Occasionally the fog breaks and you can make out the outlines of objects and people, but they’re vague and fuzzy, appearing and disappearing. This is the realm of pure emotions, the gut feelings that blackmailers churn up in us. The elevator car keeps moving up, and as it does, you leave the fog behind and begin to see a wider landscape. By the time you reach the top, you have a panoramic view, and you can see that the fog that you thought covered everything is confined to the valley at the base of the tower. What seemed all-encompassing was just a tiny patch, a small part of the picture. The elevator has reached a different plane, a place of reason, perception and objectivity. Step out of the car onto the observation platform. Enjoy the quiet and the clarity. Remember that you always have access to this place.