I immediately threw my carrot on the ground because fuck health and raced over to meet Oprah. And OMG! She hugged me! To be hugged by Oprah is to have Elton John sing “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” and the sun is like, “A’ight, I’ll stay up here and it’ll be 2:15 P.M., all day, e’ry day.” To be hugged by Ms. Winfrey is to wake up one day without Michelle Obama’s bank account but with Michelle Obama arms and think, I’m cool with that.
