Small Animals: Parenthood in the Age of Fear

by Kim Brooks

People don’t think that leaving children alone is dangerous and therefore immoral. They think it is immoral and therefore dangerous.

when participants were told a father had left his child for a few minutes to run into work, the level of risk to his child was equal to the risk when he left the child because of circumstances beyond his control (when he was struck unconscious by a car). When a woman was running into work, the moral judgment was closer to the level expressed at her going shopping or having an affair.

A father who is distracted for a few minutes by his myriad interests and obligations in the world of adult interactions is being, well, a father. A mother who does the same is failing her children.

Parents were expected to room with their infants to promote bonding (and cut costs). This sounded wonderful when I was pregnant. What I hadn’t anticipated then was a baby who would spend his first days on Earth screaming as though he were on fire.

I stand back and watch my daughter at the top of the slide and another kid pushes past her and goes ahead. And I just wait. And the mom’s right up there saying, ‘Oh, Johnny, don’t push in front of her, you shouldn’t blah-blah-blah.’ And I feel like, ‘It’s okay. I’m going to let her make that choice.’ And my daughter looks at me, and I say, ‘If you don’t like what he did, you need to tell him.’ I’m not going to solve that problem for her.

But before it does, he leaves a note behind for Lisa, telling her that no matter how great the distance between them becomes, he’ll always love her, and he’ll always be grateful for the time they had together. In the end, it’s the only promise any of us can keep.

they won’t have a chance to access any of those skills or feelings of basic self-worth that they need in life, because guess what—you can’t give those things to kids. As much as we want to, we can’t do it. They have to develop them for themselves. They have to try and fail and be scared and push through and bounce back and fail again and feel lost and then find their way home.”