More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
December 11 - December 26, 2021
Marcus meant that pain is tolerable if we remember that our attitude toward it is what really determines how upset we become. It’s not our pains or illnesses that upset us but our judgments about them, as the Stoics would put it. This is one of the main therapeutic tools in the armamentarium of Stoic pain management.
Everyday tolerance of minor physical discomforts can help us build lasting psychological resilience, in other words. You could call this a form of stress inoculation: you learn to build up resistance to a bigger problem by voluntarily exposing yourself repeatedly to something similar, albeit in smaller doses or a milder form.
The most important thing he observed in those individuals who coped well was their ability to “withdraw” or “separate” their mind from bodily sensations.
Disease is an impediment to our body, he tells them, but not to our freedom of will unless we make it so.
Lameness, he says, is an impediment to the leg but not to the mind.
He notes that sensations of pain and pleasure will inevitably find their way into our consciousness because of the natural sympathy that exists between the mind and the body. He stresses that you should not try to suppress the sensations, because they are natural, and you should not assign judgments to them as good or bad, helpful or harmful.
Do away with the judgment, and the notion “I have been harmed” is done away with; do away with that notion, and the harm itself is gone.
Stoics say that the fear of pain does us far more harm than pain itself because it injures our very character.
Chrysostom also compared enduring pain to trampling out a fire—if we do it gingerly, we’re more likely to be burned than if we stamp on it confidently.
By calmly grasping the nettle of pain rather than struggling against it, resenting it, or complaining about it, we can learn to suffer less from it.
Nevertheless, we can learn from observing others that anyone can endure great pain and hardship if they are sufficiently motivated to do so.
The following lines, written by Seneca, seem to be drawn from a modern treatise on psychotherapy: “Beware of aggravating your troubles yourself and of making your position worse by your complaints. Grief is light when opinion does not exaggerate it; and if one encourages one’s self by saying, ‘This is nothing,’ or, at least, ‘This is slight; let us try to endure it, for it will end,’ one makes one’s grief slight by reason of believing it such.”
Dubois quoted Seneca’s letters to illustrate the role of patience and acceptance, as opposed to worry, in helping us to cope with and avoid exacerbating physical illness. He also quoted Seneca’s remarks that the principles of Stoic philosophy consoled him during illness and acted upon him “like medicine,” strengthening the body by elevating the soul.
whether you succeed or fail in your attempts to benefit others, you may still be perfectly virtuous as long as your efforts are sincere. It’s your intentions that count, both morally and psychologically. Nevertheless, you must aim them at an appropriate outcome.
Chrysippus told the Stoics that “the wise man will take part in politics, if nothing prevents him.”
In a sense, the Stoic gets to have his cake and eat it: to retain his emotional detachment while nevertheless taking action in the world.
Later, Christians would take to adding D.V. (Deo volente, “God willing”) to the end of their letters, and Muslims likewise say inshallah to this day.
Stoics treat their own judgments and actions as the only thing truly good or bad. That inevitably shifts focus to the present and lessens emotional investment in the past and future. The worried mind is always getting too far ahead of itself; it is always in suspense over the future. The Stoic Sage, by contrast, is grounded in the here and now.
The technique of exposing yourself to stressful situations repeatedly in small doses so that you build up a more general resistance to emotional disturbance is known in behavioral psychology as “stress inoculation.” It’s like inoculating yourself against a virus, and it’s similar to what we’ve come to think of as resilience building.
the contemplation of impermanence.
things don’t upset us, but our value judgments about them do. However, we can regain our composure by separating our values from external events using the strategy we’ve called cognitive distancing.
The universe is change: life is opinion.
This is what Marcus meant by “life is opinion”: that the quality of our life is determined by our value judgments, because those shape our emotions.
Chrysippus reputedly said that with the passage of time, “emotional inflammation abates” and as reason returns, finding room to function properly, it can then expose the irrational nature of our passions.
1. WE ARE NATURALLY SOCIAL ANIMALS, DESIGNED TO HELP ONE ANOTHER
2. CONSIDER A PERSON’S CHARACTER AS A WHOLE
Indeed, the wise man only really pays attention to the opinions of those “living in agreement with Nature,”
3. NOBODY DOES WRONG WILLINGLY
Errors of judgment compel people just as much as illness or insanity, and we learn to make allowances for such people and forgive them on that basis.
4. NOBODY IS PERFECT, YOURSELF INCLUDED
When you point your finger in anger at someone else, remember that three fingers on the same hand point back in your own direction.
5. YOU CAN NEVER BE CERTAIN OF OTHER PEOPLE’S MOTIVES
6. REMEMBER WE ALL WILL DIE
7. IT’S OUR OWN JUDGMENT THAT UPSETS US
When you’re angry, remind yourself that it’s not things or other people that make you angry but your judgments about them.
it’s not what happens first that matters but what you do next.
8. ANGER DOES US MORE HARM THAN GOOD
Marcus therefore reminds himself that the vice of another man cannot penetrate your character unless you allow it to do so.
Your first priority in most cases should therefore be doing something about your own anger before attempting to do anything about the events that triggered it.
Throughout The Meditations, Marcus frequently expresses this in another way, by reminding himself to leave the wrong with the wrongdoer: “Does another do me wrong? That’s his business, not mine.”
The wrongdoer damages his own character; you shouldn’t join him in his misery by making the value judgment that he has offended and harmed you too.18
Likewise, you shouldn’t start to harbor the sort of opinions the wicked hold or those they wish you to hold. In short, the best form of revenge is not to sink to their level by allowing yourself to become angry with them.
9. NATURE GAVE US THE VIRTUES TO DEAL WITH ANGER
You should ask yourself what virtue or capacity Nature has given you to cope with the situation you’re facing.
The main antidote to anger for Marcus is the Stoic virtue of kindness, which along with fairness makes up the cardinal social virtue of justice.
Like Cato’s archer, a Stoic should aim at the target (of benefiting others) but be satisfied if he has acted with kindness, and willing to accept both success and failure with equanimity.
We should be simple and honest and not lecture them as though from a schoolmaster’s chair or as though trying to impress bystanders.
For Stoics, kindness first and foremost means educating others or wishing they would become wise, free from vice and passion. It’s a desire to turn enemies into friends, Fate permitting.
Marcus therefore shows great consideration for the person with whom he’s angry, and he thinks about tactful ways in which they might be reconciled.
10. IT’S MADNESS TO EXPECT OTHERS TO BE PERFECT
