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rent reduced.
‘hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’
fable about the sun and the wind.
The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
Begin in a friendly way.
keep on emphasizing–the things on which you agree.
The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question – a question that will get the “yes, yes” response.
“He who treads softly goes far.”
Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things. If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind.
“If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
‘The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth
himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person – from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives – was likely to answer.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
how she had handled a problem piano teachers often have with teenage girls.
“Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury; or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
a newspaper using a picture of him which he didn’t want published,
Six customers of a certain automobile company refused to pay their bills for servicing.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.
In this way the room was cleaned up – without lectures, arguments or threats.
thirty-two jars of cold cream
“On each jar, I had a tag itemising the results of the trade investigation. And each tag told its story briefly, dramatically.
Dramatize your ideas.
The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.
“that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good people. I think it was the game itself.”
If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
That is what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.
Throw down a challenge.
If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points. A barber lathers a man before he shaves him;
her. She was obviously nervous
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated For It
In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.”
This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and,”
The result was predictable. Several of the candidates did look in the mirror and went to the barbershop that afternoon and received “regulation” haircuts.
An effective way to correct others’ mistakes is
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behaviour.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
No One Likes to Take Orders
He would say, “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?”
He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes.
An effective leader will use … PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
