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I love Nana, but sometimes I’d like a more normal, plain, boring grandmother.
“I’m not a fan of pop quizzes,” he says. “But sometimes they are a necessary evil.”
“Pizza’s my only motivation,” Derek says.
“Every student is unique,” he says. “Sometimes I create unique tests.”
What kind of teacher gives out a problem he doesn’t have the answer to?
I stare at my solution, lost in the beauty of it. The way an art lover would look at a painting in a museum. Then I tear it into little pieces and flush it down the toilet. Unlike an original artistic masterpiece, I can do the problem again, and it will be just as beautiful.
Hope is all I have.
For someone who usually can’t stand breathing the same air as Windy and me, Maddie suddenly can’t get close enough to Windy.
“Madison,” her mom says, “will you please stand up straight? And…” She pats her own stomach. Maddie stops smiling. She pulls her shoulders back and sucks in her stomach. Mrs. Thornton gives her a little nod before turning to help Ms. Sitton. Maddie doesn’t move. I’m not even sure she’s breathing. It’s like all the excitement and happiness drained out of her in that moment of good posture. Then she catches me watching and gives me her death stare.
“Good,” she says. “I just want everyone to get along.” Then she whispers to me, “Maddie is being so nice. I bet she’s only doing it because her mom warned her or something.” I want to say, And that’s okay with you? She’s being forced to be your friend for the day. Instead, I shrug.
Does anyone ever really know the exact moment they fall asleep?
I’m only her friend when no one else will be.
Pi and the bear sniff each other—backsides, mostly. I guess middle school could be worse. This could be how we make new friends.
“Well, she’s not my friend anymore.” Saying those words hurts. I don’t exactly have friends to spare. But if I can’t trust her, what’s the point?
“You don’t get it.” I start walking back to the building. There’s no use explaining.
And for the 1st time, I realize that I don’t care what she thinks.
For someone who is supposed to be smart, I can’t figure out how to get Pi adopted, and I can’t figure out Windy. Why did she tell my secret to someone who is always mean to her? She chose Maddie over me. Maddie.
I’ve never scared anyone in my life. Not until now.
“I’m good at math. I’m great with numbers. But I don’t know why this bothers you, Maddie. That is something I can’t figure out.”
“You try to put me down and make me feel bad. But there’s nothing you can do that feels worse than having a sick dog and having a friend who…having someone you thought you could trust turn on you. Losing that person is what stinks.” My nose starts running. I take a gulp of air like I’m drowning. “You don’t matter to me.”
“You don’t matter to me,” I say again. Then I point to Levi. “He matters.” Then Windy. “She matters. Or she used to. Until…”
This should feel like a victory. I’ve confronted the enemy. It doesn’t.
It was a mistake coming to this school. Nana’s mistake. You don’t need to be a genius to calculate that I don’t belong here.
Math has saved me again. Or maybe it was Levi.
Pi wiggles his way in. He rests his chin on my shoulder. He’s quiet and still, maybe for the 1st time ever. But somehow I know he’s doing it for me. He wants me to feel better and not be sad. He should be selfish and trying to escape, not cuddling up to me.
The digits of pi swim through my brain. At 1st, they’re bright. Then they dim. My world is quiet except for the deep breathing of a dog.
It gives me 1 more night to find him a real home. And maybe Nana will change her mind. She might fall in love and want to keep him. We’d have to move apartments to some place that allows pets. It’s all unlikely, but not impossible.
Pi runs from window to window, almost happy. He doesn’t get it. He lives in the moment. Like all dogs do.
“I think it’s time you tell me what’s going on,” Nana says. “I might not have a solution for you—especially if it has to do with math. But you’ll feel better if you share your problems. I promise.”
It seems forever away. Anything beyond tomorrow feels like the next decade. I’m being selfish. I should be thinking about Pi. Only Pi. Not stupid Windy.
“I mattered to you, and I messed that up. And I don’t know why I did what I did.” She squeezes her eyes closed and takes a breath. “You have to believe me that I didn’t mean to hurt you and tell your secret. I wasn’t thinking. Maybe it was all the candy. A sugar overload.”
“It doesn’t matter why. You broke a promise. Don’t you get that?”
“Lucy, it does matter why.”
“You’re my best friend. I wanted them to like you, but all they ever get to see is your weird habits. The sitting over and over. The cleaning. I think your math tricks are totally cool. If I was a genius, I’d want everyone to know.”
“What’s wrong with being a good person?” she asks. “You never complain about my love of musicals or my causes. You don’t try to change people. It’s like you’re only trying to understand people.”
I will never understand people. In algebra, you can solve an equation when you have 1 unknown variable. People are equations with dozens of variables. Basically unsolvable.
I stare at the computer, waiting for a miracle. Every minute that ticks off the clock feels like a belt tightening around my gut. No one wants to adopt Pi.
Usually, solving the problems listed as difficult makes me feel better. Tonight, it’s no help.
not all problems are solvable
Sometimes solutions take time
Sometimes solutions take a team
Geniuses don’t ask normal people for help.
SOMETIMES NUMBERS AREN’T ALL THAT MATTERS.
With each click, my hope slips away. It hurts to hold my head up, and my stomach is tight. So, this is what it feels like to fail.
I wish for the digits of pi to sweep in, but all I feel is a trembling dog who will soon be gone.
I know that he feels safe with us, and we are about to betray him.
“But it’s kind of a compliment because I picked you as a best friend, and Pi picked you as a best friend. He has good taste.”
“I don’t know how to say good-bye.”
Telling Maddie that she means nothing to me, that she’s a 0, was a crappy thing to do. I like to think that she forgot about it or doesn’t care. But anytime I see her with glassy eyes, I wonder whether I had something to do with it. She has enough pressure without thinking about me and my stupid comments. We all have our problems.
An acquired savant can’t compete with hackers.
