But now, with my lack of sleep and blood loss and trauma imposing on me what I was pretty sure they meant when they said a natural high—on top of all the drugs and their gift of unnatural highs—now it seemed obvious that as vicious as life could and would be, there was a logic to it. It wasn’t a logic a human could understand, but it was there nonetheless, and sometimes, if you let nature and pills open enough doors, you could just barely see the edges of it, see the shadow of the patterns, even if your eyes weren’t wide enough to see the patterns themselves.
