Yes, You Are Trans Enough: My Transition from Self-Loathing to Self-Love

by Mia Violet

If you don’t know that being trans is even a concept, you’re unlikely to realise there’s a valid reason why you don’t fit in – you just assume the problem is you.

I relate to this very much. I never learned about trans people until much later, maybe if there was more awareness and education during those times, I may have figured things out much earlier.

The reason to transition is to be yourself, to find happiness in the freedom to be open and honest. That can happen at any age, and it’s never too late.

Transition is the act of freeing oneself from a lifelong prison. It’s ultimately a selfish practice to try to keep a trans person in place for your own comfort and stability.

That’s when it clicked: I shouldn’t care if strangers saw me as trans, a woman, or a man, either now or in the future. Trying to ‘pass’ had pointlessly complicated my life with little pay-off.

If you’re not openly queer yourself but you’re unknowingly talking to someone who’s wondering about their sexuality or gender identity, I can guarantee that every fast and flippant comment you make about queer people will be carefully catalogued and remembered.

This is so true, I still remember offhand comments that people I know have made about queer and trans people years later.

We know full well that trans people are stigmatised and that transition can bring social exclusion. More than that, we know we’re joining a community whose members are disproportionately harassed, rejected, and murdered. We do it anyway because we have no choice. When every other option has been exhausted and we still don’t feel right, that’s when we give in and transition.

For trans people it can be hard to admit, but how other people react to us coming out is not our responsibility. We deserve to be us and to stop pretending, even if we shatter some formerly comfortable perceptions of ourselves when we do.

Being trans is difficult at any age, but when you’re under the control and watchful gaze of a rigid school system and parents who may outright disown you for being queer, it’s a special kind of hell. Transitioning as an adult comes with its own extra challenges, but chances are you’re much more emotionally and logistically equipped to handle them.

This may be the bright side to having my egg crack after exiting the school system.

In a way, what happened reminds me of the common myth about makeup. Often uttered by certain clueless men, there’s the claim that makeup exists so that whoever applies it can look good for other people. In reality, makeup exists to make you feel good about yourself.

The media remind us how much death, hate, terror and greed are in the world. But it’s easy to forget that it’s also filled with light, life, love, and hope.

I too sometimes struggle to remember this. Despite how shitty the world feels sometimes, especially for trans folk, there are tons of good people and things in it

They often talk about us as if we picked our gender from a catalogue, trying it on for the first time. We’re treated as tourists in our gender, visitors who have decided to holiday somewhere new, then put down some roots. But these people regularly insist we’ll always be foreigners in these lands, never knowing what it was like to be born here, or to grow up surrounded by these people and expectations. But as you can see from my own story, I never fitted in where I started; I always belonged here. I’d never argue I had the same upbringing as the cis girls around me, but I certainly didn’t have the experience of the cis boys either.

Being transgender is complicated, confusing, scary, and sometimes downright weird, but it’s also funny, invigorating, and empowering. If you’re ever feeling lonely, afraid, or overwhelmed by all of this, I implore you to head online and look for others to talk to. The trans community is a welcoming place, and there is a place here for you. We’ve got your back.