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Preview — Hate Notes by Vi Keeland
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After I slipped off the dress, a patch of blue on the inside caught my eye. It was a piece of stationery stitched into the inside lining. Something borrowed, something blue, something old, something
new. That’s how it went, right? Or was it the other way around? It occurred to me that perhaps this was supposed to be the “something blue.”
“Let’s look at some of the other things you can’t seem to remember entering on your application.” Oh no. Reed opened the folder. “Occupation: dog-surfing instructor. Hobbies and interests: dogs and surfing. Previous employment: night manager at Deez Nuts.” He tossed the folder aside—more like whipped it across the room. The contents went
A woman’s voice spoke from somewhere in the bathroom on the other side of the stall. “When God was making the mold for good-looking men, he asked one of his angels what else he should add to make a man more attractive in her eyes. The angel didn’t want to be disrespectful by using foul language, so she simply said, ‘Give him a big stick.’ Unfortunately, the added piece was put on backward, and now all good-looking men are born with a large stick up their tuchus.”