Nothing Good Can Come from This

by Kristi Coulter

Because cool chicks are still women. And there’s no easy way to be a woman, because there’s no acceptable way to be a woman. And if there’s no acceptable way to be the thing you are, then maybe you drink a little. Or a lot.

Think of the dignity it takes to be Jennifer Aniston. No wonder she is so taut. She is holding in the fury of all womankind.

I also got it into my head that bad sex raised the likelihood of contracting AIDS, though if that were true, young women worldwide would have been dropping like flies.

The coffee was made with an AeroPress, the most low-tech way imaginable to make a five-dollar cup. When I first excitedly described AeroPress coffee to John, he stared blankly at me and then said, “That’s camping coffee. You won’t even sleep in a hotel without room service and you’re going around drinking camping coffee?”

I’ve been surfing a wave of male aggression all my life.

It doesn’t take willpower to avoid the thing that is sure to ruin my life; it just takes a fierce, overriding desire to not ruin my life.