From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

Maybe if they wouldn’t have said the P-name again I could have been the bigger person, but fuck it, I was five foot three and I wasn’t built to be that person ever.

You are who you are in life, and you either live that time trying to bend yourself to make other people happy, or… you don’t.

Challenges were only hard if you went into them expecting not to succeed.

I glanced at Ivan again, but he’d beat me to it. He was already looking at me…. And I didn’t like it. Stop looking at me, I mouthed. No, he mouthed back.

“It’d be easier if you didn’t hate me,” he added. I frowned at the windshield. “I don’t hate you.” That time he did glance at me, his expression even, but something about it still disbelieving. “I don’t hate you,” I repeated, looking at him even though he’d glanced away by then. “Why the hell would you think that?” “Because you’ve said, ‘I hate you.’”

“Hopefully my hand doesn’t slip.” “Hopefully I don’t lose my balance and my foot goes up your ass—” “Okay! All right! Let’s start you two,” Coach Lee hollered, and I didn’t need to look at her to know she was shaking her head.

“A wasp got you in both eyes too while you were out there, huh?” my brother Jonathan piped up, giving me an expression that wasn’t totally a content one. I blinked at him, ignoring the tightness in my chest, and said, “After he stung you all over your face, from the looks of it.” Jonathan snickered, but it was half-hearted. “You look like a raccoon.” I sniffed and picked up my utensils, ignoring the look I could feel my dad giving me from his spot down the table. “At least Mom didn’t find me in the trash.” My brother choked at the exact instant

I turned around with just enough time to see something come flying at me. I caught the shiny thing instinctively and opened my palm to find a Hershey’s kiss. I didn’t look at Ivan as I undid the wrapper, stuck it in my mouth, and muttered, “Thank you.” “Uh-huh,” he replied before going, “Want to get something to eat before ballet? I’ll treat your broke ass.”

“Whatever happens, right?” I asked him as we skated to our starting point and stopped there. Ivan didn’t let go of my hand as he nodded and took a step back to get into place. Whatever happens, he mouthed to me. But then his lips kept forming words. Three words exactly. I love you.

I remembered his I love you, and it pissed me off all over again. Because. What. The. Fuck?