Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power

by Christiane Northrup

What was I doing wrong? As it turns out, the only thing I was doing wrong was over-giving to people I thought I could heal without including my own needs and well-being in the mix. I had no idea that many people in my life were energy vampires.

When we are shamed as children for being who we really are, we begin to doubt ourselves. We internalize the belief that something is inherently wrong with us. And this leads to self-punishment, self-blame, and even self-hatred. If you grew up in a household that rewarded you only for doing what they wanted you to do—and shamed you for what you were naturally drawn to—you may have grown up with a lot of self-doubt. And not much self-trust.

Trauma can be passed genetically from grandparent to parent to child. When a trauma happens, a chemical change occurs in our cells. This chemical change attaches to our DNA and changes the way our genes function.

As an empath, you are here to transform not only the wounds from your lifetime but also the legacy of pain. You are here to end the pain.

So many empaths have an unhealed inner child who has been trying to win love through service and sacrifice for most of our lives that we tend to take on too much responsibility for the health of a relationship.

We give what we desperately want to receive.

What has to change in every single relationship with an energy vampire is you.

What every vampire has in common is covert aggression and manipulation for personal gain. They are fighting for the upper hand. Period. End of story.

Though a vampire might have experienced childhood trauma, that trauma does not explain their lack of compassion and lack of a conscience. Most people who’ve come from traumatic backgrounds have a conscience and behave in ways that exhibit good character—knowing right from wrong.

What we call passive aggressive is really covert aggression. Codependence should be replaced with dependence or abuse. What we call help should be replaced with what it really is: chasing or enabling.

So the goal here isn’t to judge them as evil or try to fix them. It is simply to avoid them, or at the very least, set up very healthy boundaries, and save yourself.

When we feel it’s our job to hang in there and donate our life energy to a bottomless pit in an effort to make them feel better, the only one who ends up suffering is us.

If you are constantly sacrificing yourself for the good of others, then who is going to save you? Nobody.

Treat yourself as well as you treat everyone else. Quench your own thirst first before sharing with others. Find the love inside. The kind that never fails you.

In the youth of any empath, needs and emotions get neglected.

The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself.

It’s that little wounded child who lives inside each and every one of us. This child can simply be part of you or it can rule your life.

we keep repeating patterns from our childhood until we’ve brought love and understanding to that child.

Anxiety, painful sensitivity, and even addictions come from denying the truth of who we are in order to feel loved and safe.

“Choose the thought that feels better.”

Negative thoughts arise from our shadow self, the disowned parts of ourselves that we have too often been judged harshly for and now feel we have to hide.

part of building self-esteem is feeling worthy of having the good things in your life celebrated.

“When we dim our light to make others feel more comfortable, the whole world gets darker.”

being spiritual and unconditionally loving does not mean putting up with abuse of any kind.

“If your mate is not overall 51 percent valuable, you cannot stay with them and remain healthy. Being in a toxic relationship may be a sign of unconditional love, but it’s also a sign that you love them more than yourself. That is a sign of mental illness.”