As a self-harmer it made sense to me to self-harm after the assault. My self-harm was performing a function. I’d been using it as a coping mechanism for over half my life, why wouldn’t I use it now? Yes, it’s unhealthy and damaging but now just wasn’t the time to come up with a new plan. I had to resort to what I knew. I had to find some relief. I also sought out sexual situations that weren’t always right for me; I was trying to regain control by testing my limits. Perhaps part of me wanted to find out if all men were assholes. My body became a litmus test. If they stop when I tell them to
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