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Prepare your hearts, For we must not only be ready for the enemy without, but also the enemy within.
I thought about how he had forgotten about the chain and the dead weight he was attached to, and yet he had protectively hovered over me anyway.
“Freedoms are never won once and for all, Kazimyrah. They come and go, like the centuries. I cannot grow lazy. Memories are short. It is the forgetting that I fear.”
Desperation can be a good teacher, maybe the best teacher.
“So it must be true,” I said. He smiled. “Must be. I’ll show you one day.”
“What did they do to you, Kazi?” His voice was low, earnest. Even in the dim light, I was able to see the worry in his eyes. I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about. “Who did what?” “Who made you afraid of an open world? An open sky? Was it Venda? Your parents?” “No one did anything,” I answered quietly. “Then hold on to me,” he said. “Let me show you the stars.”
It was our story. It didn’t have to have a happy beginning or a happy ending, but the middle was a feast at a banquet, a rich soapy bath, a night’s rest at an inn and a full stomach, a warm chest nestled up against my back, the soft heat of lips at my nape, stories whispered in my ear.
He pulled me close, his teeth nipping at my neck and between kisses, he whispered, “It is not my neck I am obsessed with, Kazi of Brightmist.”
Many times, Lydia, I wanted to say. A hundred times and every kiss was better than the last. I still taste his lips on mine; I still feel his breaths as my own.
Sometimes we must give something up in order to gain something else that is more important to us. I see it as a win for both of us.”
There is magic in everything, only you must watch for it. It does not come from spells or potions or the sky, nor by special delivery of the gods. It is all around you. She had taken my shivering hands and clasped them between hers.
You must find the magic that warms your skin in winter, the magic that perceives what cannot be seen, the magic that curls in your gut with fierce power and will not let you give up, no matter how long or cold the days.
Hear the language that isn’t spoken, Kazi, the breaths, the pauses, the fisted hands, the vacant stares, the twitches and tears, for everyone can hear spoken words, but only a few can hear the heart that beats behind them.
Choose your words carefully, even the words you think, because they become seeds, and seeds become history.
I wanted them all to take root, grow, become history—part of my history. Clever, smart, ruthless, determined, brave, devious, loyal, caring.
He was tall and his shoulders wide, but it wasn’t his stature that stopped people. It was more about the angle of his head when he looked at you, the lift of his chin, the awareness in his eyes, the way you could see thoughts spinning behind them, like a tailor measuring before he cut the cloth. There was precision in his stare, and that precision could slice right through you like diamond shears.
“I want to kiss you, Kazi,” he finally said, his voice a whisper. “And I want you to kiss me back. But this time I don’t want it to be because we’re only making the best of it. And I don’t want a kiss that’s for show or has any conditions. I want you to kiss me just because you want to. Because you deeply want to. No one’s watching now. You can walk away, and I won’t say a thing. I promise, I won’t ever bring it up again.”
“Yes, I want to kiss you, Jase Ballenger. Not for show or to make the best of it. I want to kiss you because I want you, every part of you, even the parts that infuriate me beyond telling, because you’ve infected me with a poison that I don’t want to flush out, because you’re a mad viper twisting around my middle, cutting off my breath, yet I want you more than I want to breathe. Yes, Jase, I want to kiss you, just because I do, but the one thing I cannot do is promise you any tomorrows.”
I can’t promise you any tomorrows. And that was all I wanted.
“Did you ever figure out who was who?” I asked. “Easy,” Wren answered. “Samuel has longer lashes than Aram. From the back, it’s all about hair curl.” She motioned to the boys riding on either side of Mason. “Samuel on right. Aram on left.” Both of them had straight hair. Synové and I looked at each other, mystified, then laughed.
“I think this is the least we can do to warm the chill between these two camps,” I said. “So this is all for show?” “What do you think?” “I think I don’t care anymore, as long as you’re in my arms.”
I wanted to be in his arms, and he wanted to be in mine. Maybe that was enough.
“I’m not going to play games with you, Kazi. You know how I feel. You know what I want. But sometimes we don’t get what we want.” “What happens to us when we get back?” “I guess once the settlement is finished, and the queen leaves, that will be up to you.”
My thoughts galloped as fast as Mije, and somewhere in my head I heard desperate words that couldn’t be mine. I do want tomorrows with you, Jase. I want a lifetime of tomorrows.
“Look at you! You’re drenched,” she said and grabbed my hand, pulling me inside. “You need a dry shirt and—” “I only need you, Kazi, that’s all I need.”
“I love you. I love you with every breath, with every thought that’s inside me. I’ve loved you from the first time I kissed you on that ledge. Even before that.”
“I don’t want to lose you, Kazi. I’m not asking for promises. I don’t even want an answer now, but I want to ask you to at least think about staying here with me. Forever.”
He cradled my face in his hands. “There. I’ve said it now, and I won’t take it back. I love you, Kazi of Brightmist, and I will never stop saying it, not through a thousand tomorrows.”
She would never believe another word I said. Truth that came too late was as useful as a meal to a dead man.
“My tomorrows are yours, Jase. I want them all to be with you.”
