Choose red wine if you’d like a warm hug and maybe a nap. A Malbec is that slightly bitter pal who rallies to say, “There, there, we’ll get through this.” A Cabernet is a model of efficiency, drinkable with a high alcohol content. With all of its varied flavors, Pinot is the one who’ll encourage you to keep a sense of mystery. But if you want to skip all that and just get to the point where you fuck one of his friends? You go tequila all the way. I prescribe straight, no chaser. Either way, first round is on me.
