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Don’t look for perfection, look for value. Enjoy!
Do you agree that it’s not that simple to give a clear-cut definition of what happiness is? And even if you take a stab at it, you aren’t too convinced that your definition is a complete one? You also probably realize it will differ from someone else’s definition and you understand that the longer you ponder and work on it, the more your views may evolve?
People typically regard these ‘nouns’ as stimuli that will trigger some form of change in their personal circumstances, which should, they believe, cause a permanent modification in the way they feel about, experience, and view life. And this ‘if-then’ chain reaction, they presume, will culminate in a magic breakthrough called ‘happiness’.
Broadly speaking, this approach to happiness leaves you convinced that happiness: …comes from ‘the world’ in some form or another. …is in ‘another time.’ …happens because of ‘other people.’
Others work themselves to death– subconsciously deciding to compromise their personal wellness or familial relationships to answer the call for more ‘happiness currency’.
The problem arises when money is viewed and pursued as a stand-in for true happiness.
“While trying to find yourself in things, you may end up losing yourself in things.”
They believe they will arrive at joy when they change their location, because it’s not where they’re living now.
They are often so in love with their past that they even refer to difficult times gone by with nostalgia – anything is better than the present!
“Happiness grows at our own firesides, and is not to be picked in strangers’ gardens.”
Many people are also heavily dependent on the social dynamics of the workplace and depend on this for a happiness stimulus, however dysfunctional the results often turn out to be. The place of work, for them, is
the seekers of people-focused happiness often idealise personal icons, constantly imagining themselves into someone else’s position, whether physically, economically, socially or whatever other feature of someone ‘of note’ they aspire to.
Although the ‘if-then’ notions of happiness are dominant and loud out there, the truth is that genuine happiness is a ‘now-and-here’ skill.
It’s not on the horizon, it’s under your feet - not to be found ‘up there’, but ‘down here’. It’s not dessert, it’s the meal!
“The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so.”
1. They think in a different way. 2. They assume full accountability for their circumstances. 3. They enjoy simple things more. 4. They own up to their future. 5. They are passionately engaged in what they do for a living. 6. They invest in their overall wellness. 7. They have constructive relationships. 8. They harness an optimistic world view. 9. They accept that happiness is a day-to-day effort.
They empower themselves with an enabling perspective on matters instead of settling for the ‘downside’. They seek true answers and support lasting solutions, even though it may not be ‘their’ answer or solution. The ancestor of every action in your life is a thought. How we think is how our lives work out. Over time, our reality mirrors the way in which we choose to make sense of life. We structure our lives in our heads.
“Guard over your thinking, for it becomes actions. Your actions slowly turn into habits. Over time, your habits shape your character. And in the end, your character becomes your destiny. If you want to change your destiny, change your thinking.”
Happy people are for solutions instead of being against problems.
They live under the same circumstances as less happy people – but choose to behave differently towards the ups and downs they weather.
They don’t rent their lives, they own them, under all circumstances.
Happy and unhappy people ask different questions when an undesirable thing happens to them. Happy people ask, “What am I going to do about this?” and “How am I going to prevent this from happening again?” Unhappy people ask, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Who is to blame for this?” In essence, happy people are willing to employ the power of choice and ownership, while unhappy people opt for a sense of victimisation. Happy people work with life as it is, not as they wished it were.
If you don’t make time and create stillness to consciously observe and experience these wonders of life, your life experience becomes shallow and you tend to be vulnerable to every threat, however superficial or imaginary. You run on empty, all the time. If you don’t stop and frequently acknowledge all the tiny-yet-superior dimensions of life, and make time to experience them, your soul shrinks and your ‘needs’ will dominate your life story.
Happy people nurture the habit of fully experiencing the content of their every-day reality and inquisitively finding the nuggets of positive influence in that reality.
Gratitude is probably the single most telling characteristic of happiness, as the ability to unconditionally appreciate something is the ultimate counter-force to those monstrous human self-destructors – anger, arrogance, desire, indifference, regret, resentment and guilt.
APPRECIATE compulsively, learn to derive more joy from simple delights – and you will be in touch with real happiness, every moment.
First, they make planning a priority in their lives. They devote ample time to it as a scheduled routine, and build supportive processes around it. Their agenda consists of four main headings, in a specific order: Personal Wellness, Family Sturdiness, Professional Progress and Wider Community Joy.
They know what their purpose in life is, and have defined their inspirations and aspirations accordingly.
“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle.”
Full engagement is a practice of passion. It is rooted in an excitement to be alive.
They are clear about their own path of value creation instead of chasing after the dreams of others or imitating someone else’s skills.
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
Their souls are on fire when they work!
Without energy or with pain and discomfort, life is simply ‘less easy’.
They often teach, create, converse, or write – which compels them to challenge their synaptic connections through the process of reflective fermentation of existing information.
Do you neglect yourself because you suffer from a false moral dilemma, believing that caring for yourself is ‘selfish’?
Before engaging others and spending their effort on strangers, happy people are firstly aware of the importance of being their own best friends. They are fine with being in their own company, and aren’t lonely when alone. Their most important relationship – with themselves – is intact, guilt-free, undemanding, and a calming experience.
“There's one sad truth in life I've found While journeying east and west – The only folks we really wound Are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest, And deal full many a thoughtless blow To those who love us best.”
Solid relationships aren’t ‘crowd-compliant’.
Real positivism is about solving and preventing problems, not laughing them off or naively looking away when they occur. It’s a capacity to view failure as temporary, limited, and a part of life – and then moving on to a solution.
Happy people see the funny side of life. They can chuckle at life and laugh at themselves – and they do it often. They enjoy humor for what it is: a very efficient shock absorber to life’s turbulent moments, exposing all those ironic gaps between beliefs and reality, between trivial and important.
“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.”
Unhappy people let their futures happen to them. Their tomorrows are in someone else’s hands. They never find time to plan. And, consequently, they learn to hide behind a mental wall of confessions, resentment, and guilt trips.
Unhappy people aren’t well – and normally don’t look, sound, or feel well. They neglect their health, allow their spirit to run dry, and become intellectually lazy.
Unhappy people are often insecure. This may mean that they hide from people or, on the other side of the social scale, they invite every stranger they meet into their lives as ‘friends’.
They draw energy from trying to prove that life is a dark and dangerous place. They are often depressed.
In other words, the fears of not ‘having enough’ and not ‘being enough’ make us afraid of being excluded from the primary circle of life.
People will have undesirable relationships, or even suffer abuse, just to feel ‘less rejected’.
It enforces a short-term orientation and knee-jerk responses – and the ‘quick fix’ industries touting pharmaceuticals and sensory stimulation flourish on this urge.
Hopefully, it is obvious that you should never expect sympathy from the world if you have access to all the equipment for a better life, but choose to be a passive casualty instead.
