With the End in Mind: Dying, Death, and Wisdom in an Age of Denial

by Kathryn Mannix

Human beings are highly resilient. We adapt to adversity, and find ways to maintain our inner peace as best we can. Often, we use coping patterns that we developed very early in life: if you’ve always ‘put on a brave face’, then that becomes your preferred way, and you may find it difficult to understand someone who copes by sharing their distress out loud. Neither you nor the other person is coping better or being braver than the other; one simply finds inner peace by venting, whereas the other’s peace comes from feeling self-contained. If you are a ‘take control and plan the details’ person, it can be tough for both of you if you are sharing a distressing situation with a person who copes by thinking about everything except the challenge ahead: one person’s avoidance is in direct conflict with the other’s need to plan, and this is stressful for both of them.