With the End in Mind: Dying, Death, and Wisdom in an Age of Denial

by Kathryn Mannix

Instead of dying in a dear and familiar room with people we love around us, we now die in ambulances and emergency rooms and intensive care units, our loved ones separated from us by the machinery of life preservation.

There are only two days with fewer than twenty-four hours in each lifetime, sitting like bookends astride our lives: one is celebrated every year, yet it is the other that makes us see living as precious.

People are not limited so much by their illness as by their attitude to it. The illness may present physical challenges, but the emotional challenge is often far more important. Our human spirit may stumble as the path ahead appears too daunting, yet with support and encouragement, our resilience can be re-enabled and used to find creative solutions.

It may be easier to step back if we approach life with an attitude of curiosity rather than certainty, intrigued by what we may discover for and about ourselves.

Sometimes, it seems, a pain in the body is actually a pain in the soul, a pain in the deepest part of our being, often without a name or any recognition. By diving into his dream with him, that nurse enabled Pete to heal his deepest hurt, and that healing allowed him to die in peace.

‘If I could, I would give some of my years to younger people, people with families, people who need to live longer but can’t.’ If only length of life were as simple as a transferable asset. This

The last and most frequent of the last messages is ‘I love you.’

The love is deepest for those who are dearest, but it bubbles over into even everyday encounters with strangers and staff. In palliative care we look after people who have reached a phase in their lives when they unconsciously radiate love.

Both happiness and disappointment will pass in time. Awareness of the temporary essence of all lived experience is humbling.

That is why Roman generals who were granted a Triumph (a congratulatory public parade to mark their accomplishments) were accompanied in their chariot throughout the pomp and cheering by a slave whose role was to remind them of their mortality, and that this moment too will pass.