The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

by William Stixrud

Ned found himself in a situation much like this when he and his wife decided to give their son more responsibility for his work. He stumbled, and the teacher wrote the following e-mail: I’ve noticed that over the last few months Matthew has been scrambling to finish homework during the advisory time before the day begins and seems really stressed about it. Do you get the sense that he has not finished his homework when he leaves for school in the morning, or is it more that he has forgotten about assignments and is rushing to finish them before class? I’m just wondering if perhaps he needs some more coaching about managing homework completion at home. I also know he is busy outside of school with many commitments, so I’m not sure if he simply doesn’t have enough time at night or over the weekend to finish his homework given all that he has going on. Let me know any insights as to how I might help him so he doesn’t get so crunched time-wise. I want this last month of middle school to be as enjoyable as possible for him. Here’s Ned’s response: Many thanks for writing. Matthew is doing work last minute because he hasn’t finished his assignments. We have worked hard this year to avoid asking, “Have you done it? Are you finished?” and instead asking, “Do you need help with any of your work? Do you have a plan? Have you got it?” My belief is that he, like many boys, only works under pressure. So he dawdles in the evenings and rushes in the morning, in part because that’s the fin...