The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

by William Stixrud

What to Do Tonight Make a list with your child of all the different jobs you can possibly think of together. Not jobs either one of you would necessarily be interested in—just jobs that someone is doing. What might those people like about their jobs? What might they be good at? Share the stories of alternate routes from this chapter with your child. Tell him or her others you know of, and ask if he or she knows of any. Be open about the surprises or disappointments you encountered on your own path, or that your parents or grandparents did, and how you pivoted. Ned’s great-grandfather made and lost a fortune in the stock market, and went from the biggest house in town to a small apartment and back again. Knowing that even successful people have ups and downs helped give Ned perspective, as did understanding that resilience was a family tradition. Ask your child, What do you love to do? What do you think you’re better at than other people? Do you want my view? Ask your child, What contributions do you think you would like to make to the world around you? What steps might you take to get there? Encourage your child to find a mentor, someone whose life they admire and who can help guide them. Kids will often be more open to guidance from someone who is not their parent.