The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

by William Stixrud

What to Do Tonight Look for opportunities during the day to let your mind wander. This could mean just sitting quietly for a few minutes looking out the window or at the clouds. It could also mean engaging in activities you can largely do “mindlessly” (e.g., mowing the lawn) that enable you to “be with yourself.” Talk as a family about the importance of going off-line and giving yourself truly free time. If they’re open to hearing it, tell your kids that it’s only when they aren’t focused on anything in particular that they can really think about themselves and other people. Also tell them that discoveries and insights will often come when you let your mind wander, and that they need downtime to solidify the things they’re learning in school. Ask your child, “Do you feel you have enough time to yourself, time when you’re not studying, doing sports, texting, or talking to other people? Do you have enough time just to chill?” If your child says no, help him to think through when he might find a few times in his day to sit quietly and let his mind wander. Think out loud with your kids about the challenge of building in enough time for yourself. The next time you’re driving with your child, instead of turning to technology, say, “Do you mind if we take a couple of minutes to just take in the scenery?” Consider learning to meditate yourself. The University of Massachusetts Medical School has a Center for Mindfulness with great resources (umassmed.edu/cfm), as does the Universit...