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February 18 - February 21, 2021
It’s rare to know in real time that what you are about to do will define the course of the rest of your life.
I knew that nothing—not even my biggest dreams—would make the pain worth it.
Even if I couldn’t fix it for myself, I thought that fixing it for others could make my life worthwhile.
I did all of this out of a sense of obligation that I needed to play the part that others assigned to me. I just didn’t want to let anyone down. And I didn’t want to let myself down.
Instead, her love and support made the impossible finally seem possible.
People can have a deeply held sense of their own gender even if the descriptions, characteristics, attributes, and expressions of that gender are made up by society.
We can respect that people can have a very real gender identity while also acknowledging that gender is fluid and that gender-based stereotypes are not an accurate representation of the rich diversity within any gender identity.
Soon enough, I hoped we would all come to the place where she could ask that same question, “What are the chances?,” out of awe and not out of self-pity—a place where my parents could see that they had raised children who were confident and strong enough to live their truths and whose different perspectives enhanced our family’s beauty.
Most people are good, no doubt, but when we are faced with issues we haven’t yet thought about or interacted with, we often look to one another for how we should respond. Our behavior models for others the acceptable reaction; acceptance creates an expectation, while rejection provides an excuse.
Somehow society manages to treat women like both a delicate infant and a sexualized idol in the same moment.
Every relationship is the result of a series of events and coincidences that lead people to one another.
Principles are worth something only if you stick by them even when they feel inconvenient.
had realized that I could speak from a place of power if I spoke from a place of authenticity.
A government cannot be “of the people, by the people, and for the people” if wide swaths of the people have no seat at the table, if large parts of the country feel like there is literally no one in their government who can understand what they are going through.
“I’m a good person,” she said, almost pleading for forgiveness. She wanted me to absolve her of her guilt for voting no.
What’s right isn’t always what’s most popular.
A person’s safety or dignity should not depend on their state or zip code. Equal means equal.
An illness should never mean the loss of an income, even temporarily, but in many cases it does.
Still, in this work you have to acknowledge the advancements, no matter how small. As quickly as we need change to come, the race is a marathon, not a sprint.
Too often transgender people are reduced to our body parts, a phenomenon that dehumanizes us and simplifies our identities.
Why would you need to change your body if you say gender is removed from anatomy? Acknowledging that the two concepts are distinct does not preclude them from ever interacting.
but what I do know is that Andy and I were committed to each other for life long before our wedding day that August.
Frequently, after a trans person dies, we see their lives desecrated. One more indignity on top of the ultimate injustice. Trans people are often misgendered, misnamed, and sometimes even “de-transitioned” in their presentation by funeral homes, dressed up as their sex assigned at birth rather than their gender identity.
None of us know how long we have, but we do have a choice in whether we love or hate. And every day that we rob people of the ability to live their lives to the fullest, we are undermining the most precious gift we are given as humans.
each time we ask anyone—whether they are transgender, Black, an immigrant, Muslim, Native American, gay, or a woman—to sit by and let an extended conversation take place about whether they deserve to be respected and affirmed in who they are, we are asking people to watch their one life pass by without dignity or fairness. That is too much to ask of anyone.
Access to a restroom is necessary everywhere: in schools, in workplaces, and in public venues. These so-called bathroom bills are nothing more than an attempt to legislate transgender people out of public life.
And now I tried to use the platform I was given to stress that this wasn’t about how I, or any trans person, looked. It was about who we are. Civil rights shouldn’t depend on appearance. And the fact of the matter is that those most impacted by laws such as HB2 are the trans people who aren’t like me, particularly gender-nonconforming trans people and trans people of color.
“This is who I am and there is nothing wrong with me.” And the bullies see that. They see our power and they are jealous of it. They envy the agency we have been able to exercise and the clear power we hold. So often that is where their hate and vitriol come from.
Society can’t make me feel voiceless when I know the power of my own voice. And society can’t make me feel weak when I know that I am powerful just for being.
“Will we be a nation where there’s only one way to love, only one way to look, and only one way to live? Or will we be a nation where everyone has the freedom to live openly and equally? A nation that’s stronger together?”
I remain hopeful because I know that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing—not even death—can take away our voices and our power. And because of those voices, I’ve had a front seat to change that once seemed unimaginable.
Too often we hear that “politics is the art of the possible,” but that belief undersells our power to effect transformational change. Instead, as barrier-breaking leaders throughout history have observed, politics is—and must always be—the art of making the impossible possible.
And they’ll never have to know what this progress felt like, because they will never know anything different.
