Checking Out

by Nick Spalding

Kitchens always seem to be the place where both good and bad news are generally imparted, have you ever noticed that? Must be something to do with being in such close proximity to the teabags.

Or coffee.

What do I do now? What do I possibly fill my life with now that I know it could end at any moment? You haven’t done much with it up until now, dickhead, I hear a horrible little voice in my head say. Why should anything change?

We now have a crowd surrounding us, most of whom have got their mobile phones out and are recording proceedings, because that’s what we now all do in the twenty-first century. If Armageddon ever does strike, it will definitely happen in portrait mode rather than landscape.

I may have only a short time to live, and in that time I have to do something worthwhile.

When you don’t have much time to spare, what does it matter how much money you have? Material possessions become entirely irrelevant when your life hangs resolutely in the balance.

Children are the fiercest critics in the world. They have no self-control, no filter and no consideration for the artist’s ego. They will let you know their completely unvarnished opinion of your talents without a second thought.