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September 16 - September 20, 2018
We get a quick hit of self-righteousness when we judge others. It’s a reliable little crutch when we feel hurt, insecure, or vulnerable. Our judgments toward others seem to make us feel better than them—smarter, savvier, more enlightened, healthier, or wealthier.
judgment left me feeling deeply uncomfortable, isolated, and out of alignment with the woman I want to be.
My definition of judgment for this book is pretty straightforward: separation from love.
The miracle is not that I’ve rid myself of all judgmental thoughts. The miracle is that I no longer believe in them. So while the habit of judgment continues to challenge me, through my spiritual practice I’ve come to accept that judgment is not who I am. To begin the journey of healing judgment and restoring love, we must recognize that we all have the same problem and the same solution. Our problem is that we separated from love and the solution is to return to love.
While we all have different stories that caused us to separate from love, we all have the same response to feeling alone in the world: fear.
One way we respond to that feeling of fear is to fight back through attacking and judging of others. It’s an attempt to build ourselves up and lean on judgment as our great protector.
Whenever we believe anyone to be the source of our happiness or pain, we ultimately project our guilt onto them and begin the judgment cycle.
separation from love creates in us feelings of specialness or inadequacy, leading to loneliness, and as a result, fear. We want to protect ourselves from that fear, so we project it outward in the form of judgment.
Judgment is the number one reason we feel blocked, sad, and alone. Our popular culture and media place enormous value on social status, looks, racial and religious separation, and material wealth. We are made to feel less than, separate, and not good enough, so we use judgment to insulate ourselves from the pain of feeling inadequate, insecure, or unworthy. It’s easier to make fun of, write off, or judge someone for a perceived weakness of theirs than it is to examine our own sense of lack.
We can use logic and intuition to discern what feels right for us without being judgmental. It’s the habit of condemning and criticizing that we must let go of.
One way you know you’re in judgment (and not discernment) is that you don’t feel good; instead you feel defensive, fearful, or under attack. It’s a sign you’ve separated from love and chosen fear. When you make a decision that feels good and flows from your authentic truth, you know it’s not backed with the ego’s judgment. Second, I learned that when we judge others, we’re really judging a disowned part of our own shadow.
Step 1: Witness Your Judgment Without Judgment
Step 2: Honor the Wound
Step 3: Put Love on the Altar
Step 4: See for the First Time
Instead of seeing another person through the lens of the past, you’ll see them as someone calling out for love.
Step 5: Cut the Cords
Step 6: Bring Your Shadows to Light
The Judgment Detox dissolves all boundaries with love. It brings us back to this truth: We’re all in it together. We all suffer. We all feel unworthy and abandoned. But identifying sameness in one another allows us to shift our focus from separation back to love.
Being the nonjudgmental witness of your judgment is the first step in this detox.
witness our judgment without judgment.
Behind the wall of judgment lie our deepest feelings of inadequacy and shame. When we feel separate from others, our shame is triggered. We feel alone, not good enough—unworthy of love and connection.
The root cause of all judgment is the fear of not being good enough, not being worthy of love, and not being safe.
“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.”
GabbyBernstein.com/bookresources. Column 1: What or whom am I judging? Column 2: How does this judgment make me feel? Column 3: Why do I feel justified in this judgment? Column 4: What moment in my life triggered me to feel justified in this judgment?
Underneath every judgment is a core wound.
If we were happy and complete, we wouldn’t judge. Our feelings of unworthiness lead us to project judgment outward. Unconsciously we believe that if we put our pain onto someone else, we won’t have to feel it.
EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques. This is also known as tapping,
TAPPING FOR JUDGMENT We start by rating your MPI. Ask yourself how emotionally charged you are when you think about the person you can’t stop judging. (Remember the person can be a group of people or even yourself. You can replace the words this person with a name.) Rate your MPI from 0 to 10, 10 being the most emotionally charged. Your MPI rating: _______ The next step is to begin tapping on the karate chop point (as seen in the illustration above) with your other hand. While tapping, repeat the following phrase out loud three times: Even though I can’t stop judging this person, I deeply and
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Remember, if you didn’t feel relief right away, you can continue tapping or return to the process when you’re ready.
TAPPING FOR FEELING JUDGED Begin by stating your MPI: “I feel judged.” Your MPI rating:_______ Now let’s begin by saying the initial statement three times out loud while you tap the karate chop point: Even though I feel judged, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point: Even though I feel judged, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point: Even though I feel judged, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point: Even though I feel judged, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Continue with a few negative rounds:
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TAPPING FOR SHAME
Let’s tap on the MPI “I feel shame.” State the MPI out loud. Now rate your MPI from 0 to 10. Your MPI rating:_______ Let’s begin with the setup statement. While tapping on the karate chop point, repeat the following phrase out loud three times: Even though I feel shame, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point: Even though I feel shame, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point: Even though I feel shame, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point: Even though I feel shame, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
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Remember that this is a process of healing the disruption of energy. You don’t have to dig up all the difficult memories from your past. You just need the willingness to talk about the judgment and tap on the meridians. Follow these steps and trust in the process.
we spend a ton of our time putting what we don’t want on the altar. When judgment is on the altar, we get stuck in the chaos of what we don’t want and only create more of it. When we try to control outcomes, Joel explained, and focus our attention on what’s not working, we actually weaken our faith. Instead, we must trust in a higher power completely in order to be free. We must put love on the altar.
When we ask for specific help (which boy, which car, and so forth), we’re arrogantly assuming that we know what the problem is and then demanding that spirit answer us in the form that we have set up. Most of the time, though, we have yet to discover the root cause of the problem.
instead of praying for a specific outcome, we must ask spirit to help us return our thoughts back to love. The secret to prayer is to forget what we think we need and surrender to spiritual guidance instead.
Dear inner guide, I need help with my judgment toward _______. I’m ready to surrender this now. I welcome in the presence of love to guide me back to truth and grace. I’m ready to release this judgment and see through the eyes of love.
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Today I will judge nothing that occurs.
I forgive this thought and I choose again.
While sometimes guidance can instantly resolve a conflict, most of the time you’re being guided to a person, situation, or lesson that will help you heal the root cause of the issue.
The more faith you put behind your intuitive connection, the more guidance you will receive.
When you see someone you’ve judged through the light of love rather than the lens of darkness, you will experience a miracle: You shift from body identification to spirit identification.
In order to see them in innocence, you must accept them exactly where they are.
The most loving thing we can do for someone is to accept them.
spirit accepts and ego analyzes. Spirit accepts what is true, which is that we are all love.
What you focus on, you create.
Even moving from the thought I hate you to I accept that you are unwell can shift your energy around the relationship.
in our hearts, we share the same desires: We all want to be happy, healthy, and free. We all want to be loved. Accepting our oneness with others helps us recognize ourselves in them.
