The Art Of Saying NO: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted (Without Feeling Guilty!) (The Art Of Living Well Book 1)

by Damon Zahariades

Every time I said yes to someone, it felt like I was doing the right thing. I was making the other person happy. So how could such a decision be regrettable? But a little voice would always opine that saying yes to others was, in effect, saying no to myself.

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that no one will protect my time or prioritize my needs as vigilantly as me.

Being assertive means having the self-confidence to express your needs and wants, and pursue your own ends, even in the face of opposition. It involves telling people where you stand on a given topic and leaving no room for confusion. Assertiveness is declaring your point of view and not feeling as if you need others’ approval or validation. For example, suppose you’re discussing politics with a friend. Being assertive means expressing your position even if it contradicts your friend’s position.

At its most basic form, assertiveness is candid communication. Nothing more. That’s good news because it means assertiveness isn’t a skill you’re born with. You can develop it with training and practice.

Healthy assertiveness is respectful. As we noted in the previous section, being assertive is nothing more than confidently communicating your position. Aggressiveness is belligerent. An aggressive individual communicates in a way that’s rude, dismissive, and even threatening.