The Masterpiece

by Francine Rivers

He moaned, crying now. “Oh, Jesus, don’t let go of me.” The veil had been wisp-thin between life and death.

All his strength hadn’t been enough to break free, but one soft word from Christ, and he was alive again.

I’ve never seen anyone so scared. He looked like he’d seen hell.”

The surgery had gone well. Roman now had an ICD, an implantable cardioverter defibrillator, a small computer that would regulate and monitor his heart. “He’s lucky to be alive. He’s probably had a few episodes and didn’t know what they were. Has he ever blacked out before today?”

“Oh.” His breathing slowed. “Thanks.” He could still feel the visceral impact of the echoing screams, moans of anguish, the gnashing of teeth of those he’d seen in hell. The heart monitor showed his rate slowing to normal.

Hell existed. He’d been there. Every time Roman tried to talk himself out of what he’d experienced, he felt the pain in his leg. He’d seen it when the nurse changed the dressings, and he remembered the doctor asking about the injury. Emotionally raw, Roman said a demon had dug talons into his leg and tried to pull him back down to hell. Jesus told the creature to let go, and it did.

Roman had felt the demon’s claws. He remembered the weight pulling at him. Jesus Christ whispered a word and Roman was set free. Had he been a soul outside his body, or had he been flesh and blood? He tried to wrap his mind around what happened and couldn’t.

How was it possible for a woman to soothe and stir him at the same time? Their relationship had changed subtly over the last few days. He saw something new in her eyes and welcomed it.

Jasper sat in the chair by the window. He stretched out his legs as though making himself comfortable. “You never asked, and anytime I brought up spiritual matters, your eyes glazed over. There’s a time for everything under the sun, Bobby Ray. The time never seemed quite right with you.”

“I’m still trying to figure out why Jesus rescued me.”

All I can tell you is faith is just the beginning of a long, difficult journey.”

Jasper brought their conversation around to spiritual matters. They fell into an easy exchange as Jasper told him about his childhood, his parents’ religious beliefs that built a foundation for his own, his wife’s faith. He even told Roman what to expect if he ever decided to set foot inside a church. Roman couldn’t picture himself doing that anytime soon. Jasper said it was a good place to learn. It’d be easier to take that first sojourn into foreign territory with someone he knew.

Everything had been fine until he died on the sidewalk, and her world turned upside down. She didn’t want to love him. She’d just be hurt again, far worse this time than ever before.

watched them. Oh, Lord, don’t let me make another mistake, please. I don’t want to be like my mother and pick a man who’ll destroy me. Patrick came close. And the other . . . I can’t blame anyone but myself for the choices I’ve made.

seeing the irony that he knew how to keep things neat and tidy in someone else’s house, but not his own.

he looked out at the night sky. He saw darkness everywhere. Grace would see the stars. He felt seven years old again, abandoned, scared. He’d never felt safe in the apartment

Roman sensed monsters lurking just beyond the veil, so close, still intent on pulling him away from the One who’d saved him.

and shouted for God’s people to praise the Lord. Everyone surged to their feet. Roman stood uneasily. Lyrics replaced announcements on the screen. Everyone was singing. Loudly. It was a giant karaoke bar, but no one needed a few drinks to loosen up. This gang was already bouncing and clapping.

The preacher talked about guarding your heart because it set the course for your life. Roman knew all about guarding his heart. He’d been doing it for years.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked up at the stars, flung diamonds on black velvet. She wanted to pray, but didn’t have words for what she was feeling, what she needed to ask.

She wished he’d stop looking at her. “I don’t know. Ask Him.” “I don’t know how.” “You just talk to Him. I do it all the time.” “I don’t hear you talking all the time.”

Roman felt a flicker of pride and then the heavy weight of regret that he hadn’t quit before ruining everything he’d hoped to gain. “You’ll get a lot of street cred for netting the Bird.”

“Well, Scripture does say we’re not of this world, and Jesus had to smuggle in the Kingdom of Heaven down here.”

He’d left full of pride and purpose, thinking he could manage his own life on his own terms, and returned physically broken, spiritually awakened, and mentally confused.

It’s hard to think clearly when you’re vulnerable and want something so much.”

Was this why Grace had invited him? Roman didn’t like being the center of attention. “I didn’t believe there was a hell until I went there.” They all stared at him.

“I saw light and felt a hand grab hold of me. I didn’t see a face, but I know who it was.” He looked at Grace again. “I have no doubt Jesus saved me, but I don’t know why He bothered.”

Roman stopped hating the man and felt absorbed into membership of this small group. These people talked easily about Jesus and the power of God.

“You’ve always had attachment issues. That’s part of your history, too. It’s not easy to go through life without love. It’s lonely. It’s painful.”

You don’t know what’s up or down, and half the time you feel inside out.” He gripped Roman’s arm. “Love is worth it, Bobby Ray. It’s the best part of being human.” He smiled. “‘Faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ It can last forever.”

He winced inwardly, knowing he was ill-equipped to ask the right questions and give sage advice. Especially to a woman.

“We haven’t really talked since we got back from the road trip.” They’d talked, but she knew what he meant. They had stopped digging around inside one another. It was an opening she needed. “All right.”

Take a risk, Jasper had told him before leaving. Stop letting fear and anger rule your life. Stop allowing the past to rule your future.

“Everything? No, you don’t! You want the easy part. You don’t want the hard stuff, the things you can’t survive without real love, without God in the middle. You want my body, for sex, sure. But you don’t want the rest of me. The baggage I carry, the issues, the struggles, the insecurities, the pain. And you certainly don’t want Samuel!” She tried to step around him.

He’d forgotten how much love hurt, and now the tide of pain was rolling in and over him, pulling him under. “Jesus, help me.”

Depression hung so heavy he felt the crushing weight of it.

Why did love have to mean loss? Roman’s eyes felt like they were filled with salted sand. He rubbed them. Don’t cry. A man doesn’t cry.

Maybe caring for Samuel had been Selah’s way of fighting off the inevitable loss of her own children.

He thought of the light that had surrounded him, the firm grip that had pulled him up from the abyss. Jesus, why did You bother saving me?

“Be strong and courageous. For once in your life, come out of the shadows.”

He’d spent three years looking for his mother before finding out she’d died the night she left him alone in the apartment. Only then had he given up. Was that when he gave up on loving anyone more than himself?

“Hard thing to keep locked up inside yourself.” “I know Jesus saved me, but from

“Maybe you’re trying to hold on to old ways. The question is: are you willing to give Jesus your life?” Frustrated, Roman leaned in, teeth clenched. “What does that mean?” “Stop living by your own rules.”

We’re under the new covenant, the one Jesus paid for with His own blood. When you say yes to Jesus, He gives you the Holy Spirit. The next time you read His Word with that in mind and some prayer, you’ll begin to understand. The Spirit is going to teach you and show you how it applies to your life. You’ll start recognizing God’s voice. You’ll know where you’ve gone wrong and how to get right with God. You follow His lead. Your life begins to change from the inside out.”

“Pastors tend to be targets for the enemy. You met a few of Satan’s helpers. Destroy a shepherd, and a whole flock can be lost.”

God isn’t going to let you down.” Ashley stirred her coffee. “It’s the journey people want to read about.”

“The way you’re feeling now could give you an inkling of what God feels whenever we brush Him aside. Our Father sent His Son to pay the price for our sins, Roman. And Jesus suffered and died willingly out of love for us. Everything you and I have ever done wrong in this life was paid for on the cross.” He let out his breath. “We ought to love Him more than we love anyone else.” His eyes were filled with compassion. “You want to get things right, my friend? Stop obsessing about Grace. Make Jesus your first priority.”

Jesus, I’m sorry. I know You want more from me than what I’m giving.

“You just needed to remember who you are and who’s on your side. God’s going to take care of you, honey. Just stick with Him.”

Okay, Lord. I get it. Give up one life and start another. Get rid of whatever held him back.