Pride and Prejudice

by Jane Austen

“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?”

Getting right down to business, I see.

“Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife impatiently. “You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.” This was invitation enough.

Look I knew Jane Austen was supposed to be funny but I was still so unprepared lmaooooo

Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of England;

SOMEBODY GET THIS MAN A WIFE

“Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!” “How so? How can it affect them?”

Really, sir, she is spoonfeeding you.

“Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way?

You were just abusing Lizzy!!!

“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these last twenty years at least.”

Oh SNAP

She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented, she fancied herself nervous.

My biggest takeaway from this first chapter is that Ms. Austen was savage af.

Mr. Bennet was among the earliest of those who waited on Mr. Bingley. He had always intended to visit him, though to the last always assuring his wife that he should not go; and till the evening after the visit was paid she had no knowledge of it.

LOL

He had entertained hopes of being admitted to a sight of the young ladies, of whose beauty he had heard much; but he saw only the father.

Take a cold shower Bings

he was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity;

I CACKLED

He was the proudest, most disagreeable man in the world, and everybody hoped that he would never come there again.

But he makes ten thousand a year!

I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner.

Bingley don't mince words damn

Elizabeth remained with no very cordial feelings toward him. She told the story, however, with great spirit among her friends; for she had a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous.

Go off queen

With a book he was regardless of time;

Mood.

But, however, he did not admire her at all; indeed, nobody can, you know;

MEOWWWWWW

“If he had had any compassion for me,” cried her husband impatiently, “he would not have danced half so much! For God’s sake, say no more of his partners. Oh that he had sprained his ankle in the first dance!”

“He is just what a young man ought to be,” said she, “sensible, good-humoured, lively; and I never saw such happy manners!—so much ease, with such perfect good breeding!”

This bodes ill.

Well, he certainly is very agreeable, and I give you leave to like him. You have liked many a stupider person.”

DAMN

Miss Bingley is to live with her brother, and keep his house;

Mr. Bingley inherited property to the amount of nearly a hundred thousand pounds from his father, who had intended to purchase an estate, but did not live to do it.

Bingley was sure of being liked wherever he appeared, Darcy was continually giving offence.

lmao

If I may so express it, he has a right to be proud.” “That is very true,” replied Elizabeth, “and I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.”

THIS

By Jane, this attention was received with the greatest pleasure, but Elizabeth still saw superciliousness in their treatment of everybody, hardly excepting even her sister, and could not like them; though their kindness to Jane, such as it was, had a value as arising in all probability from the influence of their brother’s admiration.

Occupied in observing Mr. Bingley’s attentions to her sister, Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend.

Of this she was perfectly unaware; to her he was only the man who made himself agreeable nowhere, and who had not thought her handsome enough to dance with.

Stick it to him Lizzy

Mary had neither genius nor taste; and though vanity had given her application, it had given her likewise a pedantic air and conceited manner, which would have injured a higher degree of excellence than she had reached.

Ouch

“Certainly, sir; and it has the advantage also of being in vogue amongst the less polished societies of the world. Every savage can dance.”

Gee, why *doesn't* anybody like Mr. Darcy?

Mr. Bennet’s property consisted almost entirely in an estate of two thousand a year, which, unfortunately for his daughters, was entailed, in default of heirs male, on a distant relation;

their minds were more vacant than their sisters’,

JESUS JANE LOLOLLLLLLL

they were well supplied both with news and happiness by the recent arrival of a militia regiment in the neighbourhood; it was to remain the whole winter, and Meryton was the headquarters.

Mr. Phillips visited them all, and this opened to his nieces a store of felicity unknown before. They could talk of nothing but officers; and Mr. Bingley’s large fortune, the mention of which gave animation to their mother, was worthless in their eyes when opposed to the regimentals of an ensign.

“This was a lucky idea of mine, indeed!” said Mrs. Bennet more than once, as if the credit of making it rain were all her own.

lol

“Well, my dear,” said Mr. Bennet, when Elizabeth had read the note aloud, “if your daughter should have a dangerous fit of illness—if she should die, it would be a comfort to know that it was all in pursuit of Mr. Bingley, and under your orders.”

He paints quite a picture, don't he?

“We will go as far as Meryton with you,” said Catherine and Lydia.

THE OFFICERS

Mr. Darcy said very little, and Mr. Hurst nothing at all. The former was divided between admiration of the brilliancy which exercise had given to her complexion, and doubt as to the occasion’s justifying her coming so far alone. The latter was thinking only of his breakfast.

There are two kinds of people.

When breakfast was over they were joined by the sisters; and Elizabeth began to like them herself, when she saw how much affection and solicitude they showed for Jane.

The sisters, on hearing this, repeated three or four times how much they were grieved, how shocking it was to have a bad cold, and how excessively they disliked being ill themselves; and then thought no more of the matter: and their indifference towards Jane when not immediately before them restored Elizabeth to the enjoyment of all her former dislike.

when he found her to prefer a plain dish to a ragout, had nothing to say to her.

I sympathize. Food is life.

“Miss Eliza Bennet,” said Miss Bingley, “despises cards. She is a great reader, and has no pleasure in anything else.”

Well, anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude. :<

“I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any.”

BURN

“Elizabeth Bennet,” said Miss Bingley, when the door was closed on her, “is one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own;

lol no sweets

accompanied by her two youngest girls,

THE OFFICERS

Had she found Jane in any apparent danger, Mrs. Bennet would have been very miserable; but being satisfied on seeing her that her illness was not alarming, she had no wish of her recovering immediately, as her restoration to health would probably remove her from Netherfield.

Priorities.

That is my idea of good breeding; and those persons who fancy themselves very important, and never open their mouths, quite mistake the matter.”

Okay can somebody take mom's drink away

“And so ended his affection,” said Elizabeth impatiently. “There has been many a one, I fancy, overcome in the same way. I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love!”

her own easy manners

Are we to understand that Miss Lydia is a romp?

the latter of whom, however, could not be prevailed on to join in their censure of her, in spite of all Miss Bingley’s witticisms on fine eyes.

But does he defend her?

“My ideas flow so rapidly that I have not time to express them—by which means my letters sometimes convey no ideas at all to my correspondents.”

Honestly same bro

The power of doing anything with quickness is always prized much by the possessor, and often without any attention to the imperfection of the performance.

I declare I do not know a more awful object than Darcy, on particular occasions, and in particular places; at his own house especially, and of a Sunday evening, when he has nothing to do.”