Passion and aggression often meld into passive aggression, a push-pull style of manipulation or control. The mind-training slogan for this is “Don’t act with a twist.” We seem to be drawing someone to us, when in truth we’re pushing that person away. For example, saying “I’m sorry” to your neighbor when she tells you the music’s too loud is a way to mend fences, let go, and move on. But “I’m sorry you feel that way” sounds like you’re sorry for something she did and that there’s something wrong with her feelings. So it’s more like an insult than an apology. Conversely, you speak sharply to
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