How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.

The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction.

And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.

almost any person can speak acceptably in public if he or she has self-confidence and an idea that is boiling and stewing within

way to develop self-confidence, he said, is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.

temerity

more training in the fine art of getting along with people in everyday business and social contacts.

Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business

These investigations revealed that even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering-to personality and the ability to lead people.

“the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee.” “And I will pay more for that ability,” said John D., “than for any other under the sun.”

“If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.” Shaw was right. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing

to try to understand the other person’s viewpoint. It is frequently easier to find fault than to find praise. It is more natural to talk about what you want than to talk about what the other person wants

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves

Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return

Judge not, that ye be not judged

Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances

he had learned by bitter experience that sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.

Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

“I

will speak ill of no man,” he said, “. . and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self...

and for...

“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way ...

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”

PRINCIPLE 1—Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.

“the desire to be important

Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children. 8. A feeling of importance.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals.

—the other half of the people who go insane apparently have nothing organically wrong with their brain cells

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.

There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize

anyone. I believe in giving a person ince...

So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbat...

“I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted their station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than they would ever do under a spirit of criticism

We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.

There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem

Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.

Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that, I learn of him

. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you have forgotten them. PRINCIPLE 2—Give honest and sincere appreciation.

So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants

“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability

to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other

person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own